Katy,

Do you still have a lot of anxiety when dilating? If so, I feel that could be a major cause of your pain. Your muscles may not be relaxing enough especially since the Botox has long wore off.

That being said, your pain is real, regardless of the cause. You may have already tried these things but maybe dilating for shorter yet more frequent periods of time could be beneficial? Starting over by going back down to the smaller dilators (silicone) could also be an idea. I always tell myself if I can get a dilator in, I am OK and will always be able to work my way back up if I ever start regressing.

I am glad you have not given up. It takes a lot of physical, mental, and psychological energy to deal with vaginismus and it’s hard not to just want to give up. I know it may not feel this way but being able to insert any dilator is progress and it is progress you should be proud of. However, it is important to be able to do it without pain or only minor pain while progressing. I hope you get to that point soon.