In Bolick’s article, “All The Single Ladies”, her focus is not sexual, it is more anthropological, but she does discuss sex. She quotes Robert H. Frank, who states that, “When available women significantly outnumber men, which is the case on many college campuses today, courtship behavior changes in the direction of what men want…. If women greatly outnumber men”, he says, “social norms against casual sex will weaken”. He qualifies this by explaining that no matter how unbalanced the overall sex ratio may become (in either direction), there will always be specific men and women who are in high demand as romantic partners. But even these highly sought after individuals will be affected by changes in society. So how much is our sexual behavior impacted by social norms? Research proves it has an enormous influence.
Do some women have low desire because it is thought to be more socially appropriate? Are women taught to hide their sexuality? Bolick’s focus is more to explore singleness than to explore how singleness affects sexuality, but this article certainly got me thinking about the connection between the two. How can single women further explore their sexuality? This is particularly true if more women will be single for longer periods in their lives.
The first step is to be aware that one’s sexuality is not reliant on a partner. You can have a satisfying sex life as a single person. In fact, part of my job as a sexuality counselor is to educate women about their physical and sexual health. The more your mind and body stay connected towards being sexual, the healthier that part of you will remain. The connections made between your mind and body when you have sexual thoughts are an important part of your sexual health. One needs to stay sexually active even without a partner, to keep the tissues lubricated and to keep the connection between one’s mind and body active. Though stereotypes about sex and the single women have certainly been transformed by shows like Sex and the City, negative ideas about singleness still persist. I think it is particularly important that we re-frame any negative notions about the sex life of single women. Not only can it be an exciting time, but it can be a wonderful opportunity to explore your sexuality without the pressures or expectations of a partner.
