We were sitting with a patient yesterday. We love this patient. She’s funny, warm, smart and quite pretty. She, like so many of our patients, struggles mightily with her feelings of sexual inadequacy. “I don’t think I’m sexy enough.” “I don’t feel like I know enough.” “I’m just not pretty enough.” These are the kinds of words often coming out of her mouth.
Last week she was telling us about her most recent partner. While she has lots of desire, gets aroused easily and can have orgasms by the dozen on her own, she’s still having problems with her partner. “Hmmm,” we asked, “what’s he like?” “I guess that’s part of the problem,” she sighed. “His body is so perfect, I always feel inadequate near him. He’s really ripped.” With a bit more prodding she produced a photo of his abs and his back which, true to her words were “ripped” and “nearly perfect.” He was lean, mean and clearly a triathlon machine. But…
My PA and I exchanged meaningful glances. “So,” I asked, maybe too nonchalantly. “Do you find that attractive?” She paused and looked confused. “Ummmm…well his body is perfect…isn’t it?” I repeated my question. “Do YOU find this look sexy?” She looked stunned for a minute. “Well… not really. I guess I prefer some more meat on the bones. But, but I should like this look, shouldn’t I? His body is picture perfect.” We laughed. “No way. You should like what YOU like. And I mean it. And rather than asking if you are sexy enough for him, let’s just focus on finding someone you find sexy.”
She ruminated on this and we talked about it for a few minutes and really and truly she said she likes a guy who’s a little plump. I started to laugh. Go back on-line. Rework your profile. Stop trying to date someone else’s ideal. Find someone YOU find attractive and with whom you can be yourself.
Give the chubby guy a chance! Your body will thank you for it.