We all have sexual fantasies, and most of us also have private sexual fantasies. Sometimes these private fantasies include degrading or violent acts that we do not actually want to play out in real life. However, these private fantasies turn us on and get us aroused. Many women feel guilty that they have these private fantasies and, worry if there is something “wrong” with them, or that they have some hidden abuse in their background that they cannot remember. Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a psychotherapist, sex expert, and author of She Comes First , states “A lot of women really beat themselves up over their fantasies and wonder ‘What’s wrong with me?’” he says. “We should let ourselves exalt our fantasies and learn to tap into them.”
There is a unique and intense thrill that can come from private fantasies. It is all your own, and you have all the power to control what happens, which is often not the case in many other aspects of your life. If certain thoughts and fantasies turn you on, how can they be bad for you? Your desires are natural, and getting off by yourself can often give you the opportunity to zero in on what feels the best to you, which can only help guide your partner to the right spots. So keep fantasizing!
