Here’s an excerpt from an e-mail I recently received. I LOVED getting this e mail, not only because it was good news, which is always nice to get, but because I believe the writer highlighted something so crucial- how quickly sexual issues can snowball and affect the entire relationship even when a couple loves each other very much. Sometimes you don’t actually “get it” until you are in the situation. The couple had been struggling with intercourse for a number of reasons and was starting to feel overwhelmed.
“The fact that you were able to normalize the experience for us helped us calm down, enjoy other types of sexual play and sex, and stop trying to make vaginal intercourse work. By February we were having sex after dilating (we managed to make dilating feel like a kind of foreplay), and recently we transitioned to not needing dilators or lube in order to have sex. Every time we have sex now I feel giddy, and it seems absolutely miraculous.
I wanted to reach out to you to express my incredible gratitude for your help. [Your response] allowed us to remove the anxiety, pressure and tension around sex. My husband and I often note that had we not moved on this so quickly, and had we not gotten your confirmation that we were going to be fine, our long-term sex life (and our overall relationship) would have been seriously impacted as a result. (I remember thinking that, with different people and other relationship circumstances, this situation could easily snowball and result in divorce.)”
It meant so much to me to get this e mail. Not only was I thrilled to get the “happily-ever-after” of this particular story’s end but because I think this couple is now way ahead of the curve. This will not be the last challenge to their sex life. Over the next 50 years they will, no doubt, have other bumps… low libido (his or hers), erection problems, post-partum pain, menopause and a host of others that can rear their heads. But in a way they are lucky. Because they have seen up close that you can’t just let sexual problems go because they can grow and take over the relationship and impact on so many other areas. And they won’t let the problems take them to a dark place. They understand that there is almost always help. And that’s a lesson that will serve them well.
