Studies have found that nearly 50% of women will be dissatisfied with their sex lives during some time of their life. There are many factors that can cause sexual problems, some of which may be tied to the age or life stage of the woman. Here are some common sexual problems women experience in their 30s, and some different ways to address them:
The Thirties
Problem: Body image concerns after babies.
Solution: Talk to your partner. Ask him what he finds most desirable about you. Try to focus on this aspect of yourself – if it’s your shoulders, think about wearing more revealing shirts and take time to notice yourself. If it’s your eyes, use makeup and really focus on your eyes.
Problem: Exhaustion from trying to raise young children.
Solution: Get help with the kids and set up dates with your husband. Your kids will survive an extra night a month with a babysitter. They will not fare as well with parents who are stressed and unhappy. Make sure that, at least once a month, you can have quiet (after sleep), romantic/erotic time with your partner. If you can’t afford a babysitter, consider trading an evening of childcare with friends.
Problem: Inability to see yourself as a sexual being, separate and apart from “wife” and “mother.”
Solution: Call on your partner to help with this one. Let him know that you are having difficulty and talk about it. Let your partner focus on you as a sexual being and let him plan some new and different places to have sex (the bathtub or shower?).
Problem: Pain with intercourse after childbirth.
Solution: It is common for women to have pain with intercourse after giving birth. Ask your doctor if you need estrogen and use a lot of lubricant. Make sure you go slowly, but don’t stop having intercourse. The truth is that the more you do it, the less the pain should be. If the pain continues or is too much to allow for intercourse, ask your gynecologist about using vaginal dilators.
Problem: Lack of desire.
Solution: Be patient with yourself. Often, exhaustion and stress can make you feel less sexy. In addition, they can weak havoc with your hormones too. If, after 18 months, things have not bounced back to some level of normalcy, try to see a specialist who can work with your hormones.