At Maze Women’s Health, we treat women with the following sexual wellness concerns: low desire, low arousal, difficulty with orgasm, and pain. Often, there is some overlap and these conditions are nuanced and multi-factorial. I want to focus on “low desire” which affects one out of three women ( I’m not talking about HSDD- hypo active sexual desire disorder which is different). Here’s a Quiz to assess your symptoms.
Many women come to Maze because of a disparity in the degree of desire between them and their partner. This can evoke significant feelings that can stress a relationship. I often hear that women feel that they are “broken” and that something is very wrong with them because of this. Actually, it’s “normal” to have a different level of desire than your partner. After all, you are two different people. It is also common for desire to wax and wane over time. With some tools, this disparity in sexual desire can be navigated. It is important to know that while women with low desire may not have spontaneous desire, they may still have responsive desire. Responsive desire is “where your desire is in response to something.” This is normal, and knowing so can increase sexual confidence and hopefully lead to the improvement of communication with a partner.
Your creative powers can come into play regarding responsive desire. Writing a sexual menu of activities you are interested in doing or exploring, things you are curious about, and things you are not interested in pursuing, is a great tool. You can also just create a yes/no/maybe list. Sometimes, just tweaking the time for sexual activity can be a game changer. Making the decision to be intimate, rather than waiting until both of you are in the mood, can save you a lifetime of waiting and wanting.