When you specialize in sexual healthcare, you get a lot of questions. And we’re always more than happy to answer! Some inquiries are unique, but a lot of the time, we’re asked the same ones with great frequency.
One such inquiry has to do with a common interpersonal conflict: you’ve met someone – someone special. You feel connected and emotionally attracted to them. But – to put it in Bachelor Nation terms – you just can’t quite get there. And by “there”, I mean to the hot stuff. The chemistry. The burning gooiness that melts every cell in your body. What gives?
What gives is that it’s totally normal to feel this way about another person. If it’s a new relationship, the sexual attraction could potentially surface later on. In fact, those who identify as demisexual require a strong emotional intimacy with someone before they can commit themselves sexually. Additionally, you can be infatuated with someone on an emotional level and never develop a sexual attraction. There’s no right or wrong – it’s just the nature of connection with others.
If you’re in a long-term partnership, it’s not uncommon for life to get in the way and for sex to take a back seat. If this describes where you currently find yourself, there’s a lot you can do! First and foremost, dedicate time to the effort. Then, ensure your connection to your sexual self as well as to your partner. Press the pause button until you can shore up your emotional foundation. Novelty is a magic bullet – make a date and do something new together! Engage in productive and supportive conversations about what has worked in the past, and what hasn’t. Leave room for experimentation, and always respect one another. And all those cliches about lingerie/candles/music/leaving the hamper out of the room, etc.? Well, any and all of them can actually work really, really well.
So don’t be too quick to pull the plug on someone just because they aren’t burning up your loins. They might turn out to be your new and very best friend, or they may, in time, satisfy your every desire.
