Tag: fantasies
For some of our female patients, just hearing me say the word “porn” makes them cringe, look away and change the subject. At this point, I feel like I have lost them into an abyss of discomfort and the conversation about watching anything to get turned on hits a wall. So I thought, what about …
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People worry about their fantasy life way too much. I’m not sure when, or how, as a society, we lost our ability to distinguish between imagination and real life, but I know that loss of distinction affects us in many unhealthy ways. And, as a sex therapist, I’ll assure you, that your sex life is …
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When I fantasize about something, does that mean that I really want that thing to happen? (I get asked this all the time!) NO. No. And no. All it means is that you like to fantasize about that activity/act/event. Now, very commonly women get upset about their fantasies because they think that they are not …
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We all have sexual fantasies, and most of us also have private sexual fantasies. Sometimes these private fantasies include degrading or violent acts that we do not actually want to play out in real life. However, these private fantasies turn us on and get us aroused. Many women feel guilty that they have these private …
Continue ReadingTensing your body during sex can either be a means to generating pleasure or a reaction to experiencing pain. If you’re interested in learning about tensing your body due to pain, read our blog on that topic. However, if you’re tensing your body because sex is pleasurable, read on. It seems that part of having …
Continue ReadingThe trick for keeping a long-term sexual relationship interesting is essentially giving it some attention! Think about it. The reality is that everyone needs something a bit different in their sex life and there is no “one-size fits all”. The more you actually spend time THINKING about what would spice up your sex life, the …
Continue ReadingA patient and I spoke today about her fantasies, or more accurately about her lack of them and how important fantasies can be in keeping up one’s interest in sex. Part of the reason she doesn’t think she can get what she wants in her fantasy is that she believes she is unattractive by common …
Continue ReadingMost women don’t feel comfortable sharing their sexual fantasies. In fact, many say they don’t even have them. There is some notion that one should fantasize about their boyfriend or husband only, and that fantasies should be fairly tame and not involve anything out of the ordinary. In fact, the beauty of a fantasy is …
Continue ReadingI often am asked by women if they “should” share their sexual fantasies with their partner. Sometimes they want to but are afraid and sometimes they feel like they “should” because their partner is asking them to. My only advice is that the decision to do so should be totally up to you alone. …
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