One of the common myths around sex is that it is just one compartment of a relationship. In other words, if everything else in the relationship is good — you get along well, have similar values, enjoy spending time together — then that can overcompensate for what is lacking sexually. However, I have seen time and time …
Continue ReadingHope springs — from a sex therapist’s perspective.
I saw the movie Hope Springs this weekend, and I mostly loved it. It’s hard to see a movie which describes what you do every day without wanting to yell directions…I probably felt how baseball coaches must feel when they watch Angels in the Outfield or Field of Dreams. You sit there wanting to yell …
Continue ReadingSeeing vaginismus everywhere.
My husband claims I see vaginismus everywhere. Okay. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I do…it kills me. When I see a woman who is totally avoidant of relationships I suspect she is fearful of penetration. When I see a young girl fearful of tampons, I suspect she is panicked at the idea of putting something inside. …
Continue ReadingShould dinner always come first?
I’ve been thinking of the very romantic notions we have regarding dinner dates. The typical order of events is: large, beautiful, (usually quite saucy) romantic meals and then great sex. In a way that makes sense because dinner is seen as the wooing and romancing which is then followed by sex. The problem with this …
Continue ReadingDining and differentiation.
What’s the secret to making your love a lasting one? What’s the secret to keeping sexual passion alive? There’s no one best answer, and every couple is different. But many sex therapists, myself included, talk about something called “differentiation” as a key factor. Differentation means being able to take care of yourself, as a separate …
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