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I am sorry that you are struggling with all this. Being a wife, I can tell you that it is always good to communicate to your spouse about anything that is bothering you. It may be that perhaps she is not aware of what you are going through. I did not communicate things with my husband at the start of our marriage because I presumed he knew that certain things are bothering me and still doing them, but when I told him about them, I came to know that he had no idea about it. So communicate with your wife in a friendly and kind way taking into consideration that being a vaginismus patient can take toll on her.
Moreover, encourage her to seek treatments. You may show her this forum. It took me five months to get cured of vaginismus. She can do that too.
It is also possible that she is suffering from low sex drive. In the past, during a stressful period of time, it happened to me too. Just remember communicate with her kindly and she will understand and encourage her to seek treatment. Good luck!