Wow, for starters time has flown by since August 7th, 2012. Whereas before my procedure, I felt like days dragged by because of how depressed I was, and having the constant reminder “you’re not normal”. While being a college student and 20 years old, it made it that much harder for me, people talking about “Sex”, friends with long-time boyfriends talking about their “Sex-life” and me sitting there nodding and chiming in only when asked a question and having to make it up right on the spot, because i wouldn’t dare tell anyone I had something wrong with me, and “down there” just didn’t work. I felt broken, like a worthless person, always crying myself to sleep wondering what I ever did to have this happen to me, why me???? Why did god make me have a broken vagina, when so many others misuse or take for granted sex and the true meaning of love. Whereas I had a boyfriend of 2.5 years, and was never able to be intimate in that way, or even use a tampon so I could do normal things like go to the beach at the spur of the moment, but I couldn’t do that because I was never able to insert anything in me, to make myself normal like everyone else.
Finally, after getting botox, I can finally say I have more confidence than I ever have, even though it’s not the most I truly believe that each day that goes by I gain more confidence knowing that my life is getting to be normalized. As I am 50 days post – procedure, everything is normal down there, but haven’t yet tried tampons yet, but in a few days when my period comes, I will be attempting it, and i’m nervous/excited all at the same time. ( I will post an update about this also.) My sex-life is good in the sense I can finally be comfortable with it, no pain, no discomfort, but it is still mechanical, only wish I could stop dilating every single day and just have everything work correctly, but I know that it is all worth it, and one day all this scheduled dilating will pay off.
Lastly, I hope that nobody ever gives up on hope, like I once did. Dr. Pacik is seriously a life-saver and I strongly encourage anyone that has vaginismus to give his treatment a try 🙂
