Advice

[annefrance]

When I turned 22, I was the only one in my group of friends who was still a virgin (it just didn’t happen until that time and certainly wasn’t a personal choice). I absolutely wanted to get rid of my virginity and I was curious to know how sex felt like, so I had a couple of beers at a music festival and seduced a random guy. We ended up in his tent that night.

That turned out to be a huge mistake. I wasn’t sexually excited at all. My vagina was dry, I was way too drunk, and all I can remember from that night was an incredible pain and me shouting he had to push his penis in with tears in my eyes. When he realized he couldn’t penetrate me, he kicked me out of his tent. The next morning, I found blood on my underwear and I felt incredibly stupid.

I proudly told my friends I had sex with someone, only to get rid of the label I was still a virgin, and no-one ever knew what happened that night.

Sex didn’t interest me anymore for a year or two, until I got to know my current boyfriend three months ago. We had sex for the first time last week and this time I was more aroused, but the pain was still there. Two days later I had my very first appointment with an ob-gyn for a checkup, and she examined me and said I might have vaginismus caused by a thick hymen.

She gave me the choice: either we can try to have sex a few more times and hope the hymen will tear, or she can remove the hymen herself during surgery.

I’m not sure which option is the best. Can anyone in here give me some advice?

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Annefrance – thanks for your post and for sharing your story! A decision like this will always be really personal, so it depends on the factors as they affect you. How bad is the pain with intercourse? How much of your partner’s penis were you able to insert? Can you afford the hymen surgery? Maybe you can give it another try while knowing what’s causing the pain and see if anything changes, but only you can say what your personal motivations are or whether it’s worth it to you to get the surgery

. I know other women on these forums have gotten this procedure done successfully and have been glad that they did, so you might consider looking at some of the other posts and seeing how similar their situations are to yours in thinking about whether this option might work for you.

[Heather]

Hi annefrance! I am so sorry to read that story. I actually got the hymen procedure done and didn’t have any issues. Super easy! I wasn’t too sore either. Maybe dilation would help you? However, when I got my procedure done… Melissa from here at Maze had told me my hymen was way too thick and that my partner would never be able to break it on his own. I would try dilating first, gently of course. Maybe after a fee sessions, you’ll be able to stretch easier and accommodate a penis more comfortably as well as pop your hymen hopefully!