Advice for men

[Dr. Pacik]

It is normal to want to help your partner figure out how to deal with this problem. However, many women resist getting help or even discussing the issue out of shame, humiliation, anger, or frustration. The feelings of sexual failure are very powerful for many women and they can cause a woman to question her sense of who she is as a person and as a partner. Some women may express anger and sometimes that can be unloaded onto the partner. Some women may retreat emotionally or physically, since every sexual thought reminds her of her failures.

It’s normal for partners to feel unwanted and dejected—not just sexually but emotionally too- when their female partner has sexual dysfunction. For some partners, it can be helpful to talk to a therapist, even if it’s only a few times, to have a safe space to explore the feelings that come up and learn coping skills. Some couples find couples therapy to be supportive as they deal with sexual dysfunction in one or both partners and find that it enhances their closeness despite feeling far apart sexually, and improves their ability to communicate more effectively in all issues, not just sexual ones.

[Heather34]

Recently as well as in the past, men are searching for a means of support and treatment for vaginismus and find this Forum. Then, they write how they share it with their wife or girlfriend but they do not want to participate. Dr. Pacik, did you see this with men contacting the office in the past as well for their partners and assisting them in completing the intake forms? Melissa, have you seen this (i.e. men being the ones to initiate contact with the office for vaginismus treatment for their partner at Maze Women’s Sexual Health)? There is so much fear and anxiety that accompanies vaginismus. I love how you not only treat the woman who has vaginismus but the couple as a whole and include the husband/partner in every aspect of the treatment program.

[mazemelissa]

It is normal to want to help your partner figure out how to deal with this problem. However, many women resist getting help or even discussing the issue out of shame, humiliation, anger, or frustration. The feelings of sexual failure are very powerful for many women and they can cause a woman to question her sense of who she is as a person and as a partner. Some women may express anger and sometimes that can be unloaded onto the partner. Some women may retreat emotionally or physically, since every sexual thought reminds her of her failures.

It’s normal for partners to feel unwanted and dejected—not just sexually but emotionally too- when their female partner has sexual dysfunction. For some partners, it can be helpful to talk to a therapist, even if it’s only a few times, to have a safe space to explore the feelings that come up and learn coping skills. Some couples find couples therapy to be supportive as they deal with sexual dysfunction in one or both partners and find that it enhances their closeness despite feeling far apart sexually, and improves their ability to communicate more effectively in all issues, not just sexual ones.