All Things DILATING

[Dr. Pacik]

How far do I push in the larger dilators?
The question comes up of how far the larger dilators need to be inserted. The pink #5 Pure Romance dilator is about an inch too long, and the large blue #6 of 6 is about 2 inches too long. The full length of the dilator hits the cervix which is not needed and is uncomfortable.
Most patients treated for vaginismus have spasm of the entry muscle. The other muscles do not demonstrate this severe spasm. When pushing in the dilator, if this is done slowly, and the Botox is not yet fully effective in the early aspects of treatment, one should notice resistance as the dilator is stretching the entry muscle. Once this muscle is passed, it is common to notice that the dilator suddenly “falls in” as there is no longer resistance higher up. When one is sensitive to this, it is easier to appreciate how far the dilator needs to be inserted.

[Lou]

Hi all, thank you for all your replies & kind wishes, it really helped. :-).
Well, I had the procedure two weeks ago and it worked!! I’ve dilated every day since the procedure – using purple & pink but blue when I can, although this still hurts (did anyone else find this too?). On day 11 after the procedure, my husband and I managed to have intercourse – I actually cried with relief & joy! I can not properly describe how I felt & still feel – overwhelmed, amazed, even disbelief too. Intercourse is a bit uncomfortable – I guess it gets “better” with practice??
The last two weeks have not been easy – it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions – happiness, sadness (when the blue wouldn’t go in), frustration, impatience – everyone achieves success in different timescales but I wanted to be one of the “quick” ones and for it to happen straight away. But the botox & dilating has worked and I know if I continue to work at it & practice, I know it will get better.
In addition, I know I still have some emotional baggage – years of pain, frustration, failed attempts, humiliating doctor visits, etc to get rid of which wil take a bit of time.
But, for those considering the procedure, it is amazing, I’m still so surprised at the success – I’ve made more progress in 2 weeks than I did in 10 years! If any one has any detailed questions, I am more than happy to answer them. I would love to share the full story of my experience.

[Dr. Pacik]

My heartfelt congratulations to the two of you! After so many years of being involved with a variety of treatments, all of which were not successful, you have made amazing progress. As one of my patients wrote, who also felt overwhelmed, “It will take a while for me to catch up emotionally, to where I am physically”. So true!
It does get better with time. Dilation becomes easier and intercourse more natural.

[Heather34]

How far do I push in the larger dilators? @ Dr. P, this is a good post regarding the large dilators and a question that comes up all of the time! You also wrote “once [the entry] muscle is passed, it is common to notice that the dilator suddenly ‘falls in’ as there is no longer resistance higher up. In the beginning of dilating right after the procedure, I was very surprised by this. I noticed that I had to push a little to get the pink and blue dilators in and then they just slipped right in with no resistance. I, too, had a common fear of being ripped and felt queasy with the idea of pushing the entry muscles. The thing that really worked well to get me through this was to liberally use a ton of lubricant and practice inserting and re-inserting (i.e. working out these entry muscles). For those who are just starting, it gets so, so much better in time and does become part of your daily routine. And, every single day is different. I found that if the pink or blue dilator felt uncomfortable on one day, on the very next day that I tried, it went right in and was comfortable. It’s a process ladies but the end result is the best thing in the entire world and entirely worth it!!!!

[Heather34]

@ Lou … CONGRATULATIONS on your tremendous success! Wooooooooooh! I am so, so, so happy for you and just KNEW that this was going to work so well for you! You wrote “I cannot properly describe how I felt and still feel – overwhelmed, amazed, even disbelief too.” This is so, so common to experience Lou. It’s just an absolutely wonderful, emotional, and surreal feeling to finally be able to achieve intercourse after waiting for so long. I remember just smiling non-stop for so long after we could finally make love as it truly felt like such an accomplishment. You also wrote concerning the rollercoaster of emotions experienced (i.e. happiness, sadness, frustration, impatience). This, too, is so normal to experience. I remember feeling so happy when everything was over and we could finally make love but also emotionally exhausted with just everything that we had been through. It’s a trying process but so, so worth it! I’m very, very proud of both of you and, again, congratulate you on this amazing accomplishment!

Finally, you asked a couple of questions. First, concerning “big blue”, in the beginning following the procedure, I had a love/hate relationship with this dilator. It would feel entirely comfortable on certain days and then very uncomfortable on others. I’ve talked to several members who have only used pink as the largest dilator and have had very successful intercourse without ever having returned to blue. Second, concerning intercourse, it does get much, much better with time and practice, practice, practice. In the beginning of our journey, it was so mechanical but we were still just ecstatic that it actually went in and worked. Later, with experimentation, it slowly got much, much better. We chose different positions that each of us enjoyed and just began to have a lot of fun with it. Also, the more that you practice, you will get to a point where you know longer have to dilate prior to intercourse. This was huge for us and made it much more spontaneous and romantic. It also increased the feeling of tightness with intercourse. Now, even several months post-procedure, we still continue to try new things and truly enjoy this gift that we can now share with each other!!!

[esperanza]

Hi everyone. I have a quick question about dilating. Does anyone feel that although the dilator is going in, it gets stuck at one point and even if half way in will not go any further. I usually angle it downwards, toward the rectum, and that does seem to help but it feels like i push a half inch in and it comes back a half inch out.
I wonder if i am dilating correctly. Also when sleeping with dilator it seems to slip out even if i wear underwear. My muscles seem to push it out. Is anyone here able to push the whole dilator in or almost in? Can anyone offer some insight to this problem.

[Heather34]

Hi Esparanza. Thank you for your post. In the beginning of my dilating, I noticed a little resistance at the entrance muscle but then it seemed to slip in. I used a tremendous amount of lubricant. I’ve talked to several of the ladies about dilating and also Dr. P and there is supposed to be a little bit of length where the dilators don’t fit in the entire way. Dr. P or Ellen could you explain this a little further here??? Ladies, do you also have any further tips???

[Dr. Pacik]

It can easily take a month or two before the muscles are stretched enough to be comfortable with penetration with larger objects, especially when the vaginismus has been long standing as in this situation. None of this has any long term implications. Since most women are sure they will fail, because of their long history of feeling like failures and failing at many previous attempts to dilate and achieve intercourse, this adds to the psychologic burden, but is not a problem. Solution: Keep dilating and keep the faith!

[Heather34]

“Solution: Keep dilating and keep the faith!” I second this advice Dr. P and know that perseverance pays off with dilating!

[Lifi]

Hiya Lou,
Just wondering how the procedure went?

[Lou]

Hi lifi!
The procedure went well, it’s been nearly 4 weeks and we’ve managed to have intercourse several times! It’s a bit uncomfortable and mechanical but I’m sure it’ll get better with practice! It feels a bit surreal, after all these years I can’t quite believe we’ve done it! I’m just so glad we found this treatment.
How are you doing?

[nadiekins]

Hi Guys I recently really hurt my back (I have two slipped vertebral discs) and I havent been able to dilate because I always dilate lying down flat on my back and since I hurt my back I cannot lie flat. I haven’t dilated for over a week and I don’t know when I will be able to do so. Has anyone had any times when they haven’t been able to dilate for one reason or another and how did you deal with this. Thanks 🙂

[Heather34]

Hi Nadiekins. First, I’m so sorry about your back and hope you feel much, much better soon. Second, this is an excellent question. I had a similar question before about what happens if you are forced to take a break from dilating for any length of time. This was Dr. P’s reply:

“Everyone will every so often have a time they can’t dilate. Whether one week or one month it is always important to start with the smaller dilators and work back up. I would suggest starting with the purple #4 once again and over the next 3-7 days, depending on how it feels, progress to the pink #5 and large blue #6. Sleep with the purple as before every two days. I would probably also suggest not rushing into intercourse until you are comfortable with the dilators to avoid psychologic setbacks. Any vaginal pain could trigger an adverse emotional reaction, so prepare yourself by getting comfortable with the dilators again.

Ladies, do you also have any further feedback regarding this question???

[Anonymous]

Can someone please HELP ME!!

[Heather34]

@Indigo, a private message has been sent to you. @Nadiekins, hope you are feeling better and wishing you a speedy recovery.