any suggestions? help with IBS and Vaginismus

[benny]

hi there ,
you can call me joseph or anything you want. anyways I have been married for a year and a half and never have been able to have complete intercourse with my wife. The first time we tried it was really painful and couldnt get it up all the way. felt very sad. There has been many nights I would just cry my self to sleep . I know that sounds cliche’ but its true. there was one night that after we tried here and there my wiffe simply told me that she didnt want totry to have sex anymore. it brooke my heart but then she felt really bad. well we are both virgins and whats crazy is she had never had strong sexual feelings, never even had a orgasism most of this I found out after we got married . about six months later after reaserach found out about the dilator set and she tried that a little. But she never seems real motivated, she told me she just doesnt understand whats so important about sex. she dosent feel that way now thank goodness. ontop of her having vaginimus she has IBS that makes her treatment near impossible. I have been under so much stress because of this awhile back I belive I was having a panich attack. I was at work and I was thinking so much about this I literrally grabbed my chest and just the stress was eating me alive. I told my wife that I could honestly care less about myself getting pleasure , I just want sex it feel good to her, in which in turn will turn me on. Something though that has helped me not to think about sex so much is to do something some sort of exercise. so in june i ran my first 10k and finished in a time of 1 hr 7 min. praying and reading the bible also has helped me see how close god is to me . every day though it has been getting tougher to deal with. I love my wife with all my heart. her parents are really worried and feel bad that this is happeing to us. I know I can endure this for the bible says love never fails. I guess what we need to figure out is how my wife can do her treatment when she is not dealing with IBS. I dont ever want to leave I love her with all my heart and I know someday hopefully soon we can have wonderful intercourse. Oh and I forgot to mention early she said sometime this weekend we are going to have sex so we will see what happens. 😀

[Dr. Pacik]

Thanks Benny for sharing this important post. Vaginismus can be associated with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) but they are two separate entities. Though I treat vaginismus, I leave it to the gastroenterologists to treat IBS. Sometimes IBS improves when vaginismus is improved.
Low libido needs a separate evaluation, usually by a sex therapist. For low hormones (such as low testosterone in women) I suggest consulting with an endocrinologist who specializes in female sexual dysfunction.
I would suggest that you help your wife fill out the questionnaire so I can assess the condition. The Female Sexual Function Index form will help me evaluate her libido. You can get these forms by calling my office 603 669 0290.
Please keep us informed.