Best positions

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Determined – First, great on you for keeping at it! I know how hard it is to keep going, especially when the early months post=procedure feel so consumed by dilating. But it does seem like you identified your own problem here – you pushed your partner’s legs away because you weren’t in control. While you’re still getting used to sex, having control is EVERYTHING – there’s so much going on psychologically when you are dealing with the vaginismus you’ve lived with so long, and doing whatever you can to help with the anxiety is key.

But you’re ALSO having another problem that I think most of us get totally surprised by – your husband is having his own difficulties! This same thing happened with my boyfriend after my procedure, and it seems like this happens a lot, but no one tells us it’s going to come up in the course of our treatments. We spend so much time worrying about how we’ll be able to do this that it doesn’t even occur to most of us what’s going on in our partners’ heads as we’re going through it. For my boyfriend, he didn’t have trouble getting erections but he had a LOT of difficulty ejaculating once we started trying to have intercourse. But the funny thing about it was that he’d actually ALWAYS had problems ejaculating when we did things sexually together. He would usually have to finish himself with his hand regardless of what I did, but me going through the procedure forced him to take a look at his own sexual habits, which for most men are ingrained early and not re-examined later.

All of this is to say that we think of vaginismus as a problem afflicting ourselves, but it’s a problem that both partners in a couple have to deal with together. It demands openness and communication about what both people are feeling and having trouble with, which is one of the really unexpected struggles (and eventual gains!) of treating vaginismus. My boyfriend and I have a more reciprocal and mutually satisfying sexual life because we learned how to talk about what we really wanted. I believe that your relationship will become stronger than it would have been too – but checking in with your partner and rediscovering what gives him pleasure the same way he’ll need to for you is key!

[Determined]

Oh my gosh! Firstly again a huge thanks for everyone’s support!
WE ACHIEVED PENETRATION YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t even know how I feel about this…I had to keep asking if it was in because I didn’t quite believe it! No moving or thrusting this time but I gave up my control, stopped for a few seconds when I felt myself tensing up, my husband was great talking me through it, reminding me to relax and viola! I know there’s still a way to go but oh my goodness!!!!!!
Everyone’s help and advice is so appreciated!
I’ll keep you guys updated as I’m hoping maybe others get some encouragement from these posts!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Determined]

Also recessivegenequeen, I really like what you wrote. Will chat about this with my husband and I’m hoping it will help to strengthen our own sexual relationship. It’s so true that communicating and being honest is key!

[recessivegenequeen]

Determined – CONGRATULATIONS!!! This is great news! I remember the day I first achieved penetration with my partner. There was a lot of excitement and some tears too, but even though you have a ways to go, this is the first step! And knowing you’ve done it once means you know it’ll happen again. We are all so happy for you – let us know how it goes!

[Aimee Goldman, RWHNP]

Congratulations Determined-what a huge step Giving up control is tremendous. You are well on your way to pain free intercourse.
Remember to try and dilate before intercourse and use plenty of lubrication. Keep up the positive attitude and know we are all here for you!!

[Determined]

Hey all! Thought I would check in here again and be brutally honest.
So after achieving penetration this first time, we kinda hit a wall. I continued doing trainers
Always but maybe because it didn’t work as easily, my husband lost a bit of hope.
Sooooo vaginismus for me is not only my own battle but also my husbands which can be tricky.
However, my screen name is not determined for nothing!
I decided to use the biggest trainer which was really difficult at first but I’m now used to it, in the hope this extra ‘room’ or stretching would help. I went through some dark days, tears, mental exhaustion hoping this would make it all work.
And just tonight, it happened again. And wayyyyy easier this time! We tried some thrustingg but most of all, that look of excitement in my husbands eyes sparked something in me-pride, triumph, something like that
Again, I know we aren’t at the end just yet but with my Botox having been done 6 months ago and pretty much worn off, I’m excited to realise that I can still be successful without it which is a HHUGE relief.
I’m definitely not one of those immediate success stories after Botox but I am proof that with perseverance, you can get there one way or the other.
I’m even getting confident now to try different positions and it’s so nice to feel like my body isn’t betraying me anymore (even though again, I still have some more to go!)

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi again Determined! So glad to hear you are living up to your name and continuing to persist with treatment. The hardest thing to remember sometimes is that this is a road we travel one day at a time. Even if there are setbacks, you have come so far from where you started. And even if there are days that are less successful than others, you can always continue dilating and trying new things. After so much time waiting for a resolution, we’re often impatient to become the fully functional selves we have longed to be, but the more room we give ourselves to take the time we need, the more likely it is that our successes will endure and that we will form lasting relationships with our partners that reflect that growth.

[Heather34]

Hi Determined. I absolutely LOVE this thread and you have done so, so, so, so amazing!!!! I liked your idea to try the biggest trainer for extra room and stretching and love the results. My hubby and I tried a lot of different positions post-procedure and some worked and some definitely did not. I found that the doggy-style (from behind) position worked the best for us as I was so prone to doing leg lock with the other positions and almost did this involuntarily. We also became really comfortable making love in the spooning type position as well. I, again, am so incredibly happy to read your posts and this thread!!! Sending you big hugs today!!!

[resoos]

You can find out here in my best test and review! I have already tested many variants myself and have almost become a collector. That’s why I decided to summarize my sensations and share them with you on this page.