Blog: How long should sex last?

[Heather34]

Hi ladies. There is a great new blog posted concerning the timing of intercourse (i.e. how long should actual sex last)? An excerpt includes:

“the optimal time for sexual intercourse is 3 to 13 minutes (does not include foreplay)”

– “Too Short” 1 to 2 minutes
– “Adequate” 3 to 7 minutes
– “Desirable” 7 to 13 minutes
– “Too Long” 10 to 30 minutes

This is so good to know as I did not know the average time for actual intercourse. I imagine that it is different for every couple and varies depending on the day, but it is so great to have a reference point. Sometimes, I feel like the media portrays actual sex as lasting for so much longer than 30 minutes.

The blog also discusses the importance of foreplay and developing sexual closeness with your partner. Further excerpts include:

“Foreplay lowers inhibitions and increases emotional intimacy. It builds confidence and trust. It is important to talk honestly with your partner from time to time to find out what kind of foreplay is desired.”

My favorite part of the blog is:
“Developing a sexual closeness between you and your partner will last a lifetime!”

This is so, so true ladies. I feel like now that my hubby and I can finally have intercourse, we’ve just been able to enjoy each other in every single way and we have so much fun with it. Also, as Diana and others have mentioned in previous posts, communication is one of the most important factors in building this sexual closeness (i.e. what do you enjoy the most, what does he enjoy the most, what do you both want to try next, etc…).

I encourage you to read this blog and welcome your comments.
http://www.vaginismusmd.com/how-long-should-sex-last/

[Sofi]

This is good info! My partner and I were just talking about this. Right now, post-procedure, we’ve only had intercourse 4 times. I’m just getting used to it, learning what works and what doesn’t, and it’s really more mechanical for me. I feel emotionally satisfied knowing that we succeed, but it’s not sexually exciting yet (the foreplay is, just not the intercourse…probably also because of using so much lube). Right now, 1-2 minutes is good for me…my partner keeps feeling bad wanting to last longer…but right now, longer would be tiresome for me. Good to keep your communication open on this sometimes sensitive topic…

[mazemelissa]

I wanted to bring this info back as I feel like I get asked this question all the time.

Here is the blog that Dr. Pacik wrote back in 2012:

When my patients are able to achieve intercourse, many of them want to know how long should sex last?

Dr. Irwin Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, cited a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. In the May 2008 Journal of Sexual Medicine, a survey of 34 members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research in the United States and Canada concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes (does not include foreplay) with the following breakdown:

“Too Short” 1 to 2 minutes
“Adequate” 3 to 7 minutes
“Desirable” 7 to 13 minutes
“Too Long” 10 to 30 minutes

For our treated vaginismus patients, goal is to have pain-free and enjoyable intercourse
Our patient’s first sexual experiences after Botox treatment may tend to be more “clinical” and then with time becomes more spontaneous, romantic and exciting. Foreplay is important and whenever possible, should be included in your sexual experiences. Foreplay is the emotional and physical intimate acts meant to create sexual desire for sexual activity and sexual arousal. Foreplay lowers inhibitions and increases emotional intimacy. It builds confidence and trust. It is important to talk honestly with your partner from time to time to find out what kind of foreplay is desired. Find out which areas of touch are exciting and experiment with toys. Be open to new experiences.

How long should sex last, simultaneous climax & vaginal orgasm
It is important to remember that length of time of actual sex is not an indication of “great sex”. Simultaneous climax is fairly rare and is not an indication of “great sex”. Vaginal orgasm is achieved by only about 30% of the population, and this too is not an indication of “great sex”.

The brain is women’s largest erogenous zone
What’s more important than length of time of actual sex is your attitude towards sex. If you start with the right mindset, you’re going to learn pretty quickly what works for you and your partner. Great sex will surely follow. Developing a sexual closeness between you and your partner will last a lifetime!

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi everyone, I feel like this info should be posted monthly. Achieving intercourse post vaginismus is a tremendous accomplishment and having real information about how long penetrative sex should last is invaluable.
Enough time has been spent possibly feeling pathologized, inadequate , and just plain bad about having the condition. When intercourse has been achieved lets celebrate and not get stuck on making it an olympic event!

[Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSW]

I totally agree with Helen, this information should be posted again every month! There are so many myths around sex and ow long it should or shouldn’t take. Take a look above and please pass along.