Confused

[aishat2605]

Hi, my name is Aishat and I’m pretty sure I have vaginismus. I am 17 and I’ve never had sex but the first time I noticed a problem was the first time a boy tried to finger me it was like this burning pain and like he hit a wall because his fingers could not go in so he stopped trying and focused on other parts of my vagina. I had this same problem with a few other boys who attempted penetration during fingering, there is only one person I don’t remember having this issue with.
During masturbation, I’ve also tried to penetrate but the same problem it’s like I’ve hit a wall. I have only successful put in one finger once. I was convinced I had vaginismus when I tried to put a tampon in and it was actually impossible and I recognised my symptoms from the show Sex Education on Netflix, I had previously always used pads because my Nigerian upbringing teaches that tampons are bad for virgins. I thought I was doing it wrong and watched several youtube videos and tried other times but still no luck.
I’m not sure how to get help because my mum won’t be open to getting me treated because as far as she’s concerned I don’t need to be penetrated for any reason as of right now, I am leaving for university in England soon so I’m hoping I can get myself some help when I leave. I wanted to ask if this sounds like vaginismus or something else and if there s a way for me to have access to resources in England.

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi aishat2605,
Welcome to the forum. Your description of “hitting a wall” sounds like vaginismus. There are women from England who have posted resources on this forum; hopefully you can find the information you are seeking. Finding a pelvic floor physical therapist as well as purchasing a dilation kit and practicing with them on your own is a good place to start.
Take care and keep us posted on your progress,
Helen

[Jennifer Dembo, LCSW]

Hi @aishat2605 – welcome to the forum and thanks so much for posting!

I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. As Helen mentioned above, what you’re describing sounds very much like vaginismus. I want to join her in assuring you that what’s happening in your vagina is involuntary, and that vaginismus is a highly treatable condition! I imagine it must be challenging to feel apprehensive about approaching your mum for support and that formal diagnosis and treatment may have to wait until you get to England. There are several forum members from the UK who have shared their experiences here – I invite them to please also share UK resources.

If you’d like to learn more, contact us at Maze to arrange a free 10-minute consult; we can help you determine what your next steps might be (on the immediate front and once you arrive at university).

Wishing you all my best, Aishat!

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Aishat2605 – thanks for sharing your story! What you’re describing definitely sounds like my own experience of vaginismus. I hate that you’re suffering now, but there are definitely resources in the UK. Outside your parents’ gaze you can order a set of dilators or look into the botox treatment over in London, which many of our forum members have discussed. You can read more about that in this thread:

http://mazewomenshealth.com/forums/topic/london-botox/

Please let us know if you have questions along the way or need any kind of support at all – even if you aren’t able to explore this as much as you’d like in Nigeria, this does not have to define your life and MANY people have overcome this issue! Keep the faith!