Difficulty Dilating with the Last Dilator(From Pakistan)

[Persevere]

Hello Everyone,
I am from Pakistan and I have vaginismus for the last two years. First of all, a big thanks to all those who have created this forum and help people like me with their kind words. So I have had vaginismus for the last two years. At first, I did not know what was happening to me. It was like my husband was hitting a wall when he tried to penetrate me. I went to many doctors. Most of who did not even know about this condition. I searched the internet and realized that I have vaginismus most probably. Since there was no doctor who could guide me or tell me what was wrong with me, I went into denial and thoughts that I have no problem. But as time went by I realized that I have to treat it or else my marriage won’t survive. Therefore, I decided to use dilators on my own. Dilators are not available in Pakistan. The only way to buy them is to import them and that is very expensive. So this led me to finding dilator-like objects and using them for this purpose. I have used three sizes up till now. The last size is of 4 inch circumference. I have been trying inserting it for the last 3 days but it is highly uncomfortable. It does not go in through the spasm muscles but I am persevering with it. InshaAllah I will be able to get through this. I have also purchased lidocaine HCL 2% to help with the pain with the last dilator but I don’t know how to apply it or how much quantity to apply it. Can anyone guide me about this? Also how much time is required for it to numb the place of application?

Moreover, whenever I try inserting the 3rd size and the fourth one, the entry muscles always resist at first. I have to do some kegels or wait or breathe deeply in order to relax them. Will these muscles always be so resisting or will they get better over time?

Any motivational words will be highly appreciated because I am very uncomfortable with the last dilator. Sometimes, I even have this fear that it would never go in no matter how much I try.

Lastly, good luck to everyone who is dealing with this condition. InshaAllah we will overcome this one day! Just keep persevering and treat yourself. Do not stay in denial!

[mazemelissa]

Hi LilyAalam!

Welcome to the forum, and I am so impressed with your perseverance and courage to work on this issue.

As for your questions…2% lidocaine prior to dilation is a great idea. You will need to apply it to the vaginal entrance about 10 min prior to dilation for it to be effective. And if you don’t find the 2% does much, you can use up to a 5% safely at the vagina.

You can also use one of your smaller dilators, and put the lidocaine on that, and use it as an applicator to make sure you are getting it inside the vaginal entrance.

I do think doing some kegel exercises prior to dilation, and deep breathing can be very helpful. So I would continue to do that process.

Over time the muscles will relax with repeated penetration.

You can try sleeping with a smaller dilator over night, and then trying to insert the bigger dilator in the morning.

You can also be evaluated to see if a hymenectomy to remove the hymen might help open the vaginal entrance a little more and make dilation easier as well.

[Persevere]

Thank you Melissa for your reply. Today I have successfully inserted the 4inch girth dilator. It was very uncomfortable, but I believe that with constant effort, I’ll be able to insert it with minimal discomfort inshaAllah! Good luck to everyone struggling with vaginismus!

[recessivegenequeen]

Congratulations on making progress, Persevere! It sounds like you’re working super hard and you should be proud of yourself! Remember this success, that you were able to get the 4inch dilator in – now you know it is possible! Part of what can be tricky about dilating is that our bodies are just different on different days for whatever reason. Sometimes dilating is easy, sometimes it’s harder, and that can have to do with anything from where we are in our monthly menstrual cycle to our moods that day. If one day is harder than the one before, don’t lose faith! You know you are capable of it and that you’ll get better with time and practice. Best of luck and let us know if you have other questions as you transition to attempting to have pain-free intercourse!

[Heather]

Hello!! Congratulations on getting that dilator in!! I love what the ladies above said! You could also give yourself internal massages. That used to help me a lot! I would do my stretches for my pelvic floor muscles(on your knees on the floor and try and do a split as best as you can, and also you can lay on your back, grab your feet from inside your legs and pull your feet close to you, spreading your legs and getting a deep stretch) and I’d do my massage before I would dilate. You can use a finger or thumb, even the smallest dilator, and just at the entrance, one knuckle deep, slowly and gently press against the wall of the vagina and move in circles, going clockwise. Also… when you first insert a dilator, you can breathe in deep and fill your belly up instead of your chest. This opens your vagina up more and allows an easier, more comfortable insertion. I hope this helps!

[Persevere]

Thank you Recessivegenequeen and Heather for your replies! For the last 20 days, I have been working with the 4inch dilator and now I am losing my motivation because my vagina is too tight for the last one week or so. I have my period coming up on 7. Maybe that’s why dilation is difficult. I have tried so hard to size up to the 5 inch dilator because that’s my husband size but I have been unsuccessful every time. I am tired and feel like giving up. Why is it so difficult every time when others can do it in one go? Can anyone tell me what to do and how not to give up? I am on the verge of a mental breakup.
P.s I started my journey of dilation on March 20 and now its May 4..

[mazemelissa]

Sometimes the jumps between one dilator to the next in a set can just be too big.

So maybe you need to find a dilator that is a measurement between your 4 and 5.

Syracuse medical dilators and Soul source silicone dilators can be purchased individually, and they list their circumferences on their websites.

I would measure the circumference of your number 4 and number five, and look for something in between.

Don’t discount all the work you have done to get to size number 4! That is still awesome.

You can try some lidocaine 5% at the entrance to numb the area a bit to help decrease the burning/stinging/stretching pain with penetration with the number five, that could also help.

It’s possible that some of your hymen is still intact, and it might need to tear for the number five to go in…so using the numbing cream could also really help if that needs to happen.

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Persevere – Melissa’s advice is totally right! When I was dilating, I was struggling to move to the very largest dilator of my set, so the Maze clinic gave me a dilator from a different set that was an in-between size and that was what did the trick. At the biggest sizes, some of the changes between dilators are very different and you just need something to smooth that change more gradually! I recommend looking into getting a dilator that’s between the 4-inch and 5-inch sizes.

Also, I know it’s hard to do, but try not to stress too much about how long it’s been taking – you’ve made a HUGE amount of progress in a month and a half and that’s not at all slow for most people doing dilating. I think if you get an in-between size and focus on the gains you’ve already made while sticking with a regular schedule, you’ll start to see new progress again.

[Persevere]

Hello Everyone!

I hope you are all doing well. I acted upon your advice and instead of using a 5inch dilator, I used a 4.5 inch dilator. I could not succeed the first day I tried and got hopeless and didn’t dilate for the next two days. Today I tried again and hurray I did it at last!!! I could not believe it was happening for a second!

All I have got to say is a massive thank you to all of you! You guys have been my support since I started my journey! You are my doctors, my counselors, my friends and my support system! Stay blessed, stay happy and stay safe! My prayers will always be with you! Thank you!

p.s. to all those struggling out there, don’t give up! Look at me! I almost lost hope but now I am back in the game! Just keep trying and whenever you feel stuck, visit this forum and ask for help! And one more tip, sometimes instead of forcing things to happen, just wait for your muscles to relax on their own. Just breathe and wait during the session and after every few minutes, try inserting the dilator. If the muscles don’t give way, retreat but don’t force yourself as it will only tighten the muscles. Hope that helps!

[recessivegenequeen]

Persevere, this is amazing news!!! I’m so glad using an in-between size worked for you! A lot of women experience the same setback so I had a good feeling you’d see success if you could find a smaller dilator than the one you were struggling with.

You also learned such a valuable lesson that is a big part of vaginismus treatment in general – trust your body! Sometimes our hearts and minds want to move faster than our bodies are ready for, but as challenging as it is we have to let our bodies learn and adjust at their own pace. We go through so many changes day-to-day (especially in our vaginas, which can feel and react differently during different points in our monthly cycle) so it’s important not to give up, stay patient, keep trying, and celebrate victories and progress as they come.

Congratulations on your new milestone and let us know how it continues to go! Many women have been where you stood today and we are pulling for you!

[Persevere]

Hello Everyone

I am writing to you because I am facing a new challenge in my dilation routine. Before my last period which ended just three days ago, I could insert a 5.2″ circumference dilator. I would insert a 4.9″ dilator first for 5 minutes and then I could easily insert the 5.2″ dilator in one go. But now after my period, I cannot insert the 5.2″, 4.9″ and even 4.5″ dilator. I can insert the 4″ dilator but when I insert it, there is so much burning inside my vagina. I never experienced this before in my 3 months dilation routine. I had discomfort with dilators but I never experienced such a setback. My muscles are very tight down there and I am confused as to what might have caused it. (p.s. I do not dilate during my period because of the mess)

Today is the second day I have tried dilating after my period.

Really confused and upset. Are such setbacks normal? Do I have to start dilating from the 4″ dilator again? Amd what is this burning feeling? It only happens when I dilate. Otherwise, my vagina feels normal.

[redrose]

I’ve had such setbacks as well, and the most difficult part IMHO is the psychological issues that comes into play at that moment. When I noticed a certain dilator didn’t fit anymore, I started panicking and worrying etc and that doesn’t help AT ALL. I couldn’t relax anymore because I felt bad because of the setback, and if my memory serves me right, I even had to go back 3 sizes to start again from there and build up my confidence again.

[Persevere]

Hi @redrose!

I wanted to ask you if you are still dilating or have you overcome vaginismus? How did you tackle such setbacks?

[Persevere]

I am extremely stressed these days because of the dilating journey and the constant fear that my husband will leave me if I am not able to cure it. I also have this fear that I will never be able to have sex. My husband doesn’t understand vaginismus. He thinks that I am just afraid of sex although that’s not the case. Maybe my stress is causing this setback.

[redrose]

No, I’m not dilating anymore.

When one size didn’t fit anymore, I switched back to a previous size.

Your setback can be due to the fact you stopped dilating for a few days, I always continued even while I was having my period (just put a towel on the bed and take a shower afterwards).

What also helps is getting sexually excited, like reading a book with your favorite passages and fantasizing before actually starting to dilate. As long as you’re not having an orgasm, this helps the vaginal walls to relax.