Feeling Hopeless

[SL0610]

I was referred to pelvic PT after a really painful transvaginal ultrasound. I told my OBGYN that it really hurt and that I had never been able to use tampons before so she sent me there. I’ve had 15 visits so far and I have only been able to use the second intimate rose dilator. I recently had to get a repeat transvaginal ultrasound and it wasn’t any better. I couldn’t put the probe in and the tech was struggling to put it in and just kind of forced it and it hurt so bad. Now I don’t even want to use the dilators because it feels like torture and it hasn’t made medical procedures any easier. My PT said I only have a few visits left and I’m so sad I kind of just feel like canceling the rest of my appointments because what is the point? I feel like I’m just going to be this way forever and I’m probably just going to start avoiding the OBGYN again :(.

[mazemelissa]

I totally get why you are down…vaginismus can be a real slow battle to fight.

But you have to recognize that you are making some progress, even if it is very small.

You can ask your ob/gyn if she might be able to prescribe you diazepam suppositories to insert vaginally to help relax the pelvic floor muscles so your PT work is more successful.

If you feel that your fear of penetration is still overwhelming, and also getting in the way of your progress, working on anxiety reduction can be key. Some find starting a low dose antianxiety medication, like zoloft or lexapro, can be extremely helpful. But also CBT or some other form of talk therapy in conjunction with your dilation program can also be helpful.

Botox injections can be another treatment that could be helpful.

Just please…don’t give up…and don’t avoid it…you have more options to explore.

[recessivegenequeen]

SL0610, I want to second what Melissa said – you shouldn’t give up! There are many treatments for vaginismus and not all of them work for everyone. I had severe vaginismus for 10 years and I know that just dilating on my own (or possibly even with a pelvic floor PT) would not have worked for me at all as I wasn’t able to insert anything at all. It took getting the botox treatment at Maze to finally be able to work with dilators and build a new relationship between my brain and my body, and just because other methods didn’t work didn’t mean I was incurable. Now I’m almost 5 years out from when I got the botox and have been able to have pain-free sex that entire time, which was a thing that used to seem impossible to me. I think you can get to that point too.

Melissa listed out several great treatment options and I encourage you to look into them if you don’t feel like you’re getting enough out of physical therapy. The fact that you’ve made some progress before means it’s possible, and that you shouldn’t accept this pain for the rest of your life!

[SL0610]

Thank you for the suggestions, I’ll think about some of those options. I just don’t get why its so hard for me. Would the diazepam make me tired or less anxious or does it only effect the muscles? I just found out I have to have another ultrasound in a few weeks and I want to cry. The OBGYN also wanted me to try a birth control ring that goes inside and I was too embarrassed to tell her I don’t think id be able to do it. Im afraid im going to be done with PT and I’m still going to be having pain. Thats what makes me want to avoid the OBGYN forever.

[SexlessInSeattle]

SL0610, thanks for sharing your experience with us. Medical procedures like your ultrasound can be so hard when experiencing vaginismus. I hear you and hope you find the support that you need.

I think it’s really important to be clear with your OBGYN about what’s happening for you, including your anxiety around the ultrasound and that you aren’t comfortable with the idea of the birth control ring. I have also felt a lot of shame in some of my early conversations with medical providers, but eventually came to realize that the more direct and assertive (and sometimes vulnerable) I could be, the more I could get my needs met.

This is a hard journey and I hope you’re being kind to yourself <3

[recessivegenequeen]

Completely agree with what SexlessInSeattle said! It is really REALLY hard sometimes but it’s important to be as honest as you can with your OBGYN about your issues. As a former vaginismus sufferer I know how embarrassing it can feel to have to explain your issue, but doctors really have seen it all over the years and they can’t help you as effectively if they don’t know what your personal priorities are as a patient. If you need to be on birth control, there are plenty of less invasive options for you – the pill and the arm injection both might be viable options for you that will be less likely to cause you distress. it’s also possible to get physical exams under anesthesia at certain places, so that might be an option you can consider as well.

Keep at it and do be kind to yourself! It’s hard and you’ve been very brave, but sometimes you have to be your own advocate at the doctor so you can get what you really need!