Had Botox Procedure, Still Can’t Have Sex. What is wrong with me??

[KSD0913]

Today marks three months since I had the Botox procedure. I have progressed to be able to use every dilator (although it takes me a few minutes with each to get started) but I still haven’t been able to have intercourse. I’m not sure what else to do. It really hurts when I attempt intercourse, and I still can’t help but flinch and squirm.

I had two really bad UTIs almost immediately post-procedure, so it took me longer than expected to use all the dilators, but eventually I was able to get up to the largest one, and use it every night when I dilate.

The first few times I tried to have intercourse with my husband I was unsuccessful, but it was much less stressful than before, and I felt like eventually I would get there. But each time since I have failed.

Now it’s back to where I was before. It’s such an unpleasant experience and everything in me wants to kick my husband off of me when we attempt intercourse because it still hurts. I’ve tried lubrincants, I’ve tried numbing cream—nothing seems to work for me. I really thought as I progressed with the dilators that sex would be possible for me.

Has this happened to anyone else? Is there ANYTHING else I can do to get over this? Could the Botox have worn off already? I feel like I’ll never be able to have sex, and even if I do I feel like it will be painful and miserable. Even after I attempt intercourse (or sometimes even after just dilating) I am sore for a full day or two. I feel like I shouldn’t be in pain anymore, is this normal? I’m just feeling hopeless at the moment.

Thank you for any advice!

[kb1996]

I’m really sorry to hear about your situation! I also had the botox procedure to treat my vaginismus and have managed to have sexual intercourse for the first time 5 months post-procedure so I wouldn’t be too concerned about the effect of the botox waring off, especially if you’re dilating every night! Can I just ask how you dilate? I noticed that I made much more progress when I dilated differently – so practising moving them in and out like a penis would rather than just simply inserting and leaving it there. Initially it felt uncomfortable but I got more and more used to it and I did it right before attempting intercourse for the first time and was successful. I think definitely persevere and don’t put too much pressure on yourself as you need to be able to relax in the moment as well and it can be easy to tense up from the apprehension of it. The most important thing is not to rush yourself – I didn’t set myself any strict time limit for when I wanted to have had sex, I just let myself get really comfortable with the dilators first, and then the transition to sex was quite smooth and after the initial discomfort of inserting, it was virtually painless from there! I wish you the best of luck!
xxx

[mazemelissa]

Hi KSD,

I don’t think the botox has worn off yet, it should still have effect on the muscles.

That you can use all the dilators is huge, as I expect prior to the procedure you were unable to insert anything inside your vagina, so remember you have made remarkable change already. I would continue with dilation daily, and it do thinks its a good idea to try to move the dilators more as to simulate intercourse.

I also think having your husband insert the dilators could be very helpful, as giving up some control to him slowly, might help with the transition to intercourse.

I think it sounds like your anxiety surrounding penetration is overwhelming, and maybe getting some more assistance from a therapist might be really helpful. Or even trying some short term anti-anxiety medications.

We perceive pain more significantly when we are more anxious. Meditation, guided imagery, relaxation cds…if there is anything that might be able to help set you up to have less anxiety prior to dilation, that would also help.

Please don’t hesitate to call Maze for further assistance.

Melissa

[Sks823]

KSD0913,

Just wanted to pop in to say congrats on all of your progress! I hope you’re keeping up with the dilating and continuing with this progress!

kb1996 and mazemelissa had great advice I wanted to reiterate – when dilating, insert the dilator in and out to get more used to that feeling (which admittedly is super weird at first). Also have your partner dilate for you to get used to someone else having the control! And (easier said than done) try not to put so much pressure on your attempts, just know that getting to penetrative sex is a journey that you don’t have to rush – you’ll get there!

Just wanted to give you more encouragement – everyone has different timelines and you WILL be able to have penetrative sex with time, patience, and practice!

Keep us updated and hope you’re well!