How do you keep positive mentally while going through vaginismus treatment?

[Heather34]

Hi all. In a series of posts, the question has arisen how do you keep positive mentally while going through vaginismus treatment? Specifically, Forum members have written “each and every day is different with dilation BUT why does our brain tell us we have failed if one day we can’t achieve what we did the day before?”

This can be so difficult and one suggestion is to replace these negative thoughts with positive ones.

Some ideas:

“Vaginismus is something that not only affects our bodies but even more so our minds…at least that is how it has been for me. Because it is something so close and personal it is not something that we share and personally, it made me feel like I was a freak, not a woman. When those awful feelings of failure come, tell them to get out. I know it may sound silly, but if you have to shout it out. You are doing so well and are on the road to being rid of Vaginismus. You are an amazing woman and are doing great!”

“I would write my negative feeling out and then I would try and replace it with a positive thought. For example..this treatment is going to fail on me. Instead I would say, This treatment has helped hundreds of women like me who now are able to have pain free sexual intercourse. I owe it to myself and my husband to give this treatment a chance. I have valuable fears and concerns about the treatment which is normal and I need to address these fears and concerns.”

Ladies, how do you keep positive mentally while going through vaginismus treatment. Your posts are of such value to others also reading this thread.

[Sewingbee23]

My therapist gave me a great mantra- ‘I am strong, I am powerful, I am stretchy!’ We were talking about the vaginal walls at the time but I’ve kinda taken it as a whole body mantra. I say it to myself whenever I’m really struggling with a dialator.

[Heather34]

I absolutely love this mantra. While dilating, whenever I struggled, I remember always repeating to myself even out loud sometimes, “you have done this before and it IS possible, you WILL be able to do it again” and I would visualize being able to dilate in the past. This helped just so, so much. Awesome post and, again, I love, love, love this mantra!!!!

[Rachel Hercman, LCSW]

Great ideas, Heather and SewingBee!

The issue of staying positive during vaginismus treatment can be challenging. Many of our patients report experiencing mixed feelings: On the one hand, they feel relieved to have found out there’s a name for their problem, that treatments exists, and there is a light at the end of a long tunnel. On the other hand, there’s still fear that it won’t work, fear that the intercourse will still be painful, fears that intercourse will be a big letdown, fears that the relationship will still feel affected by the vaginismus, etc. These are all legit feelings, and it’s normal to feel any, all, or none of them!

One of the antidotes to staying positive is feeling burdened by the future and what may or may not happen. That’s where it helps to bring it to today. Just. For. Today. That’s all I have to deal with. And in this moment, I can notice my feet on the ground, my breath, and find a place of peacefulness in my body.

Another way to stay positive, not just during treatment but in general, is to make a gratitude list. It’s easy when we are dealing with life struggles to get focused on what’s not working, what’s not happening, what not meeting our hopes and dreams. When we plug into gratitude, we step into the positive, we find the rays of light through the clouds, and we are able to embrace life with more acceptance.

Hang in there ladies!!!!

[Heather34]

Hi Rachel. I absolutely love what you wrote: “One of the antidotes to staying positive is feeling burdened by the future and what may or may not happen. That’s where it helps to bring it to today. Just. For. Today. That’s all I have to deal with. And in this moment, I can notice my feet on the ground, my breath, and find a place of peacefulness in my body.” as well as writing a gratitude list. I think one further thought on staying positive mentally is to know that just by being here today and reading this and being a part of this Forum, you are taking important steps forward in overcoming vaginismus. Knowledge is power and through either participating or reading the posts and knowing that you have our support, this will help tremendously in your journey as well as overall feelings of positivity. Sending you all hugs and positive thoughts today!!!