How long do you dilate post-procedure?

[ceegee]

So to begin, for anyone who hasn’t read my other posts, I am a double arm amputee as well as right leg. I have primary V and things are more complicated for me, which is a whole category of anxiety on its own. I have arms that end at the elbow and wrist, so there is a bit to work with there, but overall my biggest fear and anxiety re: V is the dilating. I really, really hate that aspect of it and wish it didn’t have to be a factor in any capacity. Also I’m single.

I am planning on having the procedure done soon. Up to this point I have used dilators minimally – I can hold them, I can point them towards myself, and I can kind of push them towards a position of somewhat being inserted. Whether I can go all the way or not for a successful insertion, I really don’t know because Vsaginismus stops me. So it’s hard to tell. Sometimes I feel like I could potentially do it. Other times I’m scared to death that I’m completely incapable and will end up sabotaging my own treatment and winding up back at square one after the botox all because I can’t dilate properly. I’m really upset about this prospect.

How long do you have to dilate post-procedure before you don’t have to anymore? Or do you have to forever? Or at least, how much/how long do you have to avoid it before the procedure basically reverses itself and you’re back to the pain? I will do what I can but this is my greatest fear. It’s a lot of money and hope to invest only to be let down. I have literally no one that can relate to me with this specific issue and it’s overwhelming. I want to be hopeful about this but my situation is so unique and complex and potentially capable of ruining success for me. I’m very scared about that. If I have to use dilators for the rest of my life and use them to ‘warm up’ before sex every single time, for up to an HOUR beforehand from what I’m reading on here, I feel like I will be in my head too much to enjoy sex. It’s all so mechanical. How am I supposed to want and love and initiate sex when it requires homework/pre-workout every time including a massive physical disability obstacle???

Any and all info/answers re: dilators and the post-procedure time frame both in immediate duration (use it for 10 mins, one hour, etc) and long-term time frame would be appreciated.

Thanks guys.

[Dr. Pacik]

You have a unique problem ceegee so I thought I would help you with this.
Generally I ask my patients to dilate for about a year. I have seen some regression among women who dilate only six months.
Though I recommend two hours of dilation a day and sleeping with the #4 every second night, this is needed only for the first 4-6 weeks. After this it is common to back down to 1.5 hours for another month and one hour a day by about month two. After six months many women dilate for only 15-30 minutes 2-3 times a week. After one year and especially for those who are comfortable with intercourse dilation is often no longer needed. There is no problem with the Botox becoming inactive after four months as long as you continue dilating through this.
Please do some research on the SYBIAN sex machine. This is a manually controlled “penis” that may make dilation easier because it can be mounted.
One of many YouTubes showing the Sybian can be seen by linking to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgS7_2vYBBg
I hope this helps and would value the opinion of others.

[ceegee]

Thank you for the response, Dr. Pacik. The Sybian looks like it could work potentially. I will have to figure this all out, I guess I just didn’t realize how much follow up work is involved and that is an overwhelming thing to think about in this type of situation.

I’ve read varying accounts of women and their timing of fully being able to have sex. I know it’s a case by case basis but I’m wondering if there’s a reason why some women experience it much sooner than later?If women are regressing because of lack of practice, are women who are advancing faster doing anything different? Or does it have to do with the mental/emotional aspect?

[Leena]

Dear Ceegee,

Although you have unique physical issues in terms of your amputations, I completely know what you are talking about with regard to the dilators. Everything you said about them is exactly how I feel, too. I am also single, so I just wonder, Dr. Pacik, without having a sexual partner, will we need to dilate more or longer?

Ceegee, I think you are incredibly brave and strong, and I am rooting for you 100%!

All the best,
Michele

[Leena]

Dear CeeGee,

I ran across some resources that might be of interest to you – regarding Sex and Disability: http://sexuality.about.com/od/sex_and_disability/
They discuss adapting sex toys and also have a space for various resources. Hope this might be of some help to you.

All the best,
Michele

[Marianna162]

Hi CeeGee and Leena,
I just wanted to comment quickly on going through treatment without a partner. I had a bit of a dramatic situation in that my then-boyfriend and I broke up two days after the procedure. I will say that I no longer felt pressured to succeed quickly, and I think things went much better for me without that pressure from him. I followed the usual dilation schedule that Dr. Pacik tells his patients (I did let him know that I had broken up with my then-boyfriend and therefore my situation changed, but was told to continue on like normal), and had absolutely no problem with transitioning to intercourse when the time came. CeeGee, as far as your question regarding dilating immediately before sex, I can only speak to my own experience but I didn’t and was fine. However, I must stress that everybody is a case by case basis, and even though I don’t dilate right before, I do dilate that day still.

[Leena]

Thanks so much, Marianna. Your words really helped.