I feel like I won’t get better

[karla.thvs]

So, I’m 17 years old and I was diagnosed with Vulvodynia and Vaginismus when I was 16. My doctor gave me an estrogen cream for the vulvodynia and dilators for the vaginismus. My boyfriend is really supportive and I’m really trying, but every now and then I slip and I stop dialating/using the estrogen cream because I feel hopeless, like I’m just not getting any better. I have sort of always had Vulvodynia I think, even as a child I remember having that same pain from it when sitting and I’m just worried it won’t go. I don’t know how to stay consistent without losing hope at the moment, it’s a constant fight and sometimes I’d just rather not deal with it at all than end up being disappointed

[LPoppy]

Hi Karla, you should definitely keep trying. I’m almost completely recovered now but some parts of my recovery took a lot longer than others. It wasn’t a completely linear process either. For example, I progressed really quickly through the smallest dilators but then when I reached 4, I stopped progressing completely for a while and then kept progressing again much later. Then the transition to sex took a long time too (I still have some pain even though it’s been months). I don’t know why it works that way but you might just be dealing with a slow portion of your recovery.

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Karla – I second what LPoppy said and want to encourage you to keep going. It’s super natural to hit a rough patch in your dilation and treatment. Especially after living with this condition for a long time, many of us want progress to move quickly and smoothly, but like with many struggles in life, the road to recovery is winding and sometimes involves taking steps backward.

Holding onto hope is the same strong, slow work that dilating is. I think what helps most is to hold onto the victories, even the little ones. Every step up in a dilator, every session with less pain, every stretch of time you’re able to dilate consistently is a step forward on the path up the mountain, and the only way to get to the top is one step at a time. Sometimes it will be frustrating, but you have many options and possibilities to take advantage of. You were diagnosed young which is a wonderful gift in that it lets you get to work early before you have years of frustration behind you, so you have a lot of time to figure this out at your own pace. It is possible to have less pain and it’s worth fighting for.

Let us know how your journey goes – we’re pulling for you!