Intercourse 3 Weeks After Procedure

[hereisnowhy]

If you would like to read my full vaginismus story, you can do so here http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=854

Monday, July 7, 2014 marked 3 weeks since my Botox procedure with Dr. Pacik! Dilating has been going really well, and I am able to successfully dilate to a #6 with little to no pain. I use Surgilube as my lubricant, and when I first came off the mix of Lidocaine and Surgilube, the first time I dilated with straight Surgilube even with a #4 I felt a bit more pain than usual. Since then, it’s been back to normal (little to no pain) – I think I was more anxious about not using the Lidocaine anymore, and that caused my anxiety to sky-rocket and caused me to feel more pain. Anyway, that’s just a little side note, and don’t be alarmed if you have a similar experience when weening off the Lidocaine mix (although some women I’ve talked to had no trouble at all)!

My boyfriend and I meant to try intercourse about a week and a half after the procedure (Dr. Pacik even encouraged us to try “tip only, no thrusting”), but we just couldn’t find the time or the energy. We do not live alone currently, and our summer weekends are spent at a vacation home with a lot of family around, so finding alone time when we weren’t exhausted after a full day of either work or play was difficult. However, NOT an excuse! We finally were able to try intercourse on day 21 and it was SUCCESSFUL!

Now, before you think “wow, she’s cured only after 3 weeks!” please know that although the intercourse was successful and we achieved full penetration and the Botox procedure is definitely working, it was not all bells and whistles, and there was still pain. Albeit a lot less pain than before the procedure, but still pain, which freaked me out. I.e.: I am not cured yet, but I am on my way!

My boyfriend and I were going to just do “tip only, no thrusting” but I asked him to slowly enter me all the way, after a minute or 2 of just the tip, because I felt I could handle it (in hindsight, maybe I should not have pushed it, but I will be honest I did not want to disappoint him, even though he was being very understanding). I controlled mostly all of the thrusting, and the pain I felt was about a 2; a burning, irritating pain throughout the whole act, similar to what I felt during intercourse before the procedure but on a much lesser scale. The vice-like clamping I used to feel upon initial penetration was not there, but the pain felt the same (just a lot less of it) so I am not sure if my muscles were still trying to contract around the penis and that was causing the pain, or if it was pain from stretching. I am going to say it was pain from stretching, since Dr. Pacik reminded us that the vagina is a muscle and any muscle that is tight and getting stretched will have that burning pain. Plus, that’s what I HOPE it is, that’s what I NEED it to be; pain from stretching, not from spasms.

Initiating the sex, and the sex itself, was, as expected, pretty mechanical and awkward. My boyfriend and I have a very strong emotional connection (it’s all we have since we got jipped out of the physical/intimate connection by vaginismus) and love each other very much, but the intercourse was still awkward and unromantic, and a little bit painful. If we had done more foreplay maybe it would have been a little less painful as my vagina would have expanded more upon arousal (I could feel his penis hitting my cervix when he went all the way in, which I remember Dr. Pacik telling us that isn’t comfortable for any woman, not just vaginismus women) but the whole experience was still sort of mechanical. My boyfriend agreed that it seemed sort of forced and that took away from the intimacy. Next time, I plan to remove the dilator right before we begin the foreplay, instead of after the foreplay and right before penetration, as that may help the intimacy and spontaneity a bit. I also was not able to dilate as frequently in the couple of days leading up to the intercourse, which maybe had something to do with the pain. I also need to let go of my reservations (and expectations) and try to be in just that moment. I noticed that the Surgilube was a little sticky once thrusting in and out began, and that may have contributed to some of the pain; I may need to try Slippery Stuff instead. We started in missionary position with my legs slightly bent, then moved to me being on top, which was slightly more comfortable but not much of a difference. My boyfriend was very patient and just wanted to make sure I was okay and had me take the lead.

I will admit I am a bit disappointed as I thought the “first time” after the procedure would hurt less; I feel like I read a lot of women’s stories and they said they had pain free intercourse their first time after the procedure, so I think I was expecting a similar experience, especially since I am a secondary vaginismus patient and have had pain free intercourse before. I want to make it clear to those who have not transitioned to intercourse after the procedure yet, that it most likely will not be some perfect, amazing thing (other than the fact that you are actually HAVING intercourse, which is pretty damn special!) and not to get discouraged. It will be mechanical, it will be awkward, there may be some pain, but you, and I, WILL get there. Dr. Pacik read my log after I wrote about the intercourse, and he told me that the “first time is not supposed to be fun”, even the first 10 times might not be, but what is important right now is I am functional. He told me that I am doing great and he congratulated me on my progress!

Although I was hoping for a bit different of a “first time after Botox” experience, I AM pleased that we were able to achieve intercourse with much less pain than I have felt in YEARS! My boyfriend was very patient and understanding and although I was stewing over the fear that he may have been disappointed in the experience, he told me (each of the like, 5 times I asked him, ha) that he is not disappointed, it felt good and that I did a great job. He said “you can’t make progress without progress” and that REALLY resonated with me!

I would love to get input from anyone, especially those of you who have completed the procedure and who have transitioned into intercourse. And any secondary vaginismus patients! Did you really feel NO pain when you started having sex? How long did you feel the pain; throughout the whole act of intercourse, or just upon penetration? Did thrusting in and out cause that pain? How long has it been since your procedure and your transition to intercourse and are you STILL having pain? What are some ways that you and your partner have found that help make the act of intercourse shortly after the procedure less mechanical?

Thanks in advance for sharing in this journey with me and for offering your input! 🙂 Happy Dilating!

[hereisnowhy]

I have a quick update!

My boyfriend and I had intercourse again tonight, and it was better than 2 days ago on our first try! This time was much less mechanical and we communicated more about what felt good and what didn’t (that was all thanks to my boyfriend, who remembered the communication piece and initiated it). We engaged in more foreplay, tried different positions and Slippery Stuff lube seemed to work better than Surgilube for sex.

The pain was still at a 2, but it was slightly different. It was not as constant as the first time, but more sporadic. I still feel as if I am having muscle spasms, but I know this can’t be possible with the Botox, so the stretching must be what I am feeling. At one point, it almost felt like he had on a ribbed condom (he had no condom on, I am on the pill); it didn’t feel smooth during thrusting (felt ribbed), and that caused me to feel irritating pain. I could still feel pain / pressure when we went too deep and his penis seemed to hit my cervix again.

My anxiety was less this time, because we were more connected as a couple and it was not as mechanical. Very pleased that our second try was better than our first both emotionally and physically, and hoping that the pain subsides soon – at least it’s not worse! I do not feel awfully sore afterwards either, which I used to feel after sex before I had the procedure.

[23years]

Congratulations!!!!!! Practice makes perfect!

[hereisnowhy]

Thank you, 23years! You will have an intercourse success story in no time, I am sure! Keep kicking butt with the dilating!!! It makes me so happy to know that you are no longer suffering and you are on the road to recovery after SO long!

[23years]

That is very very sweet. Thank you so much! I’m def kicking butt with the dilators and just taking it one day at a time. I am just letting things flow naturally and I believe I will know when time is right to “make the move” (smile)…

[hereisnowhy]

You’ve got the right attitude, 23years! We are all pulling for you and will be so ready and excited to her some success stories from you!! 🙂 You’ll definitely know when the time is right to “make the move”, just take a deep breath, and give it a shot!! 🙂

[galaxygal]

Hi hereisnowhy,
I just had the procedure so don’t have any real answers but I too have secondary vaginismus and I think I am going to have a similar experience to what you had. Happy to hear the second time was better! Prior to vaginismus my husband and I had a good sex life so sometimes I try to compare our experiences with vaginismus to what sex was like before vaginismus which does emotional damage so I try to stop myself from thinking this way. It is such a challenge for me sometimes to focus on the present and to rejoice in the little successes I am having. Hopefully, soon I can report back about what it is like to transition to sex!

[hereisnowhy]

Galaxygal, thank you so much for responding! I am so excited to hear about your progress, especially since you are a secondary vaginismus sufferer, too! I completely and 100% agree that thinking about what sex was like before vaginismus is so damaging, but almost impossible to not think about. For me, I can barely even remember what sex felt like when I was “normal” and not hurting, which is very unfortunate but also good at the same time. Please keep in touch, I would like to hear about your progress!! How is the dilating going for you? I found the dilation to be pretty easy for me after the first few days (annoying and uncomfortable, but not very painful) and it continues to be so. Sex on the other hand still hurts about a 1-2. I feel that burning stretching pain but it is throughout the whole act of intercourse so it makes me nervous that something else is wrong besides the stretching. I am trying to tell myself that it’s fine and I am right on track but it’s a little discouraging, especially since so many women rave about being pain free so quickly after the procedure, and for GOOD. I’ve read some posts where women have that stretching burn upon entry but then they are pain free for the rest of sex. I hope to achieve that someday!! Either way, this is much better than the 9-10 pain I was feeling during intercourse with vaginismus, which would sometimes leave me in tears! But I do hope to reach painfree intercourse someday, and soon, because even living with a little pain during intercourse is just not acceptable! Anyway, please do keep in touch because I would love to know your progress, from a fellow secondary vaginismus patient!