Intimacy 101?

[Nakitalab]

Hi Nakitalab. Your upcoming getaway with your hubby sounds wonderful and it’s beyond awesome that you can now enjoy making love to him pain-free. I remember our first post-procedure getaway in a hotel and it was so, so special for us as we could finally enjoy “hotel love-making”. We had always done fun trips in the past and I had wanted this to be a part of it so bad but prior to the procedure, as much as I tried to will it to happen while we were away, it was impossible. Post-procedure, it’s one of the best feelings in the world to be able to enjoy away time and add this special element to it. I think there are several things you can do to become more comfortable. I can only speak for what worked for me but please feel free to use any of these tips. 1) Communication – I told my hubby exactly what I was comfortable trying/not trying and what worked for me and didn’t and he also expressed his thoughts and feelings about what he liked/didn’t as well. For example, in the very beginning, I tried to control all aspects of love-making and this was a turn-off for him so we worked around it and I let down my guard and trusted that he would not hurt me and he knew exactly what he was doing and it felt great and worked so well for us after doing this. 2) New Positions – We always had the philosophy that we would just go ahead and try it and if it felt uncomfortable in any way, we would stop and switch to another position. With talking about it in advance, there wasn’t the added pressure and I wouldn’t feel like a failure if it didn’t work in one position, because I knew we could just switch back to another one that we both enjoyed. 3) Wine and Romantic Time – For me, it was always very important to feel connected and have “romance time” prior to even starting foreplay with the hubby. We will either have a glass of wine or talk/hug/kiss prior to even starting anything and this makes me feel more connected, relaxed, and excited about expressing our love in this way. I hope these tips help and I know you will have a wonderful, wonderful getaway!!!!!!

[Heather34]

Hi Nakitalab. Your upcoming getaway with your hubby sounds wonderful and it’s beyond awesome that you can now enjoy making love to him pain-free. I remember our first post-procedure getaway in a hotel and it was so, so special for us as we could finally enjoy “hotel love-making”. We had always done fun trips in the past and I had wanted this to be a part of it so bad but prior to the procedure, as much as I tried to will it to happen while we were away, it was impossible. Post-procedure, it’s one of the best feelings in the world to be able to enjoy away time and add this special element to it. I think there are several things you can do to become more comfortable. I can only speak for what worked for me but please feel free to use any of these tips. 1) Communication – I told my hubby exactly what I was comfortable trying/not trying and what worked for me and didn’t and he also expressed his thoughts and feelings about what he liked/didn’t as well. For example, in the very beginning, I tried to control all aspects of love-making and this was a turn-off for him so we worked around it and I let down my guard and trusted that he would not hurt me and he knew exactly what he was doing and it felt great and worked so well for us after doing this. 2) New Positions – We always had the philosophy that we would just go ahead and try it and if it felt uncomfortable in any way, we would stop and switch to another position. With talking about it in advance, there wasn’t the added pressure and I wouldn’t feel like a failure if it didn’t work in one position, because I knew we could just switch back to another one that we both enjoyed. 3) Wine and Romantic Time – For me, it was always very important to feel connected and have “romance time” prior to even starting foreplay with the hubby. We will either have a glass of wine or talk/hug/kiss prior to even starting anything and this makes me feel more connected, relaxed, and excited about expressing our love in this way. I hope these tips help and I know you will have a wonderful, wonderful getaway!!!!!!

[Nakitalab]

Thank you for the tips, Heather. They are very helpful. I especially liked your advice on the sensate focus exercises. Now I just need to not be afraid, trust and try. Thanks again, Heather.