INVOLVING YOUR PARTNER/SPOUSE

[Lincon]

Hello everyone,,
I think an excellent aspect of Dr. Pacik’s treatment program for vaginismus is how much he involves your partner/spouse in the entire process. My husband and I found this invaluable. Prior to my treatment, I viewed vaginismus as my own horrible issue to resolve and then we could move on to have intercourse and start our family. I felt incredibly embarrassed about it and never spoke to even my best friends about it as I felt like they wouldn’t understand why I couldn’t do something that they found so natural and enjoyable. I also felt very, very guilty about putting my husband through this and this made me feel like it was even more of my own issue to resolve solo and I then would be a better wife for him. He was incredibly supportive throughout my search for a cure and while we both lived with vaginismus but I felt as if I purposefully excluded him from a lot of the emotions that surrounded this time and never fully involved him or realized it was something that we were working on overcoming together until we were in Dr. Pacik’s office. Once there, I didn’t want him to come into the operating room, which I regret now as he said he wanted to and it helps the partner to understand the physical aspects of vaginismus that much more. Then, when I woke up from the procedure and began to remove the dilator and re-insert it (pain-free), I was so shy and apprehensive about doing this with him there as well. One of the recovery room nurses, Andrea, talked to me and explained that it was very important to have him remain while I practiced dilating as vaginismus is something that we were working on overcoming as a team and together. I really listened to her and allowed him to stay right by my side and it was such an important decision. By allowing him to witness me inserting, removing, and re-inserting all of the sized dilators and by him even helping me to do this, I began to trust him so much more and he could see, for the very first time, that something was inside of me and could be entirely pain-free. It helped us both tremendously and also brought us that much closer together. If you’re nervous about involving your partner, as I was, I can’t stress enough how important this part of the treatment is and how much it helps to have their support and assistance throughout.

Other forum members have also commented on the importance of involving your partner/spouse in the process:

Patient 1: “My partner joined me for my treatment and he stood by Dr. Pacik and saw the whole procedure which made him finally realize that I was not overreacting! From that point on, it made him realize that I was not rejecting him, I simply had a condition that needed to be treated.”

Patient 2: “My husband and I are traveling to NH in a couple of weeks (EEK!!) for the procedure, and I’m starting to get anxious! Not necessarily about the actual procedure, but about the involvement of my husband (who does want to be involved). We have been married nearly five years, both virgins when we married, and have not been able to have intercourse at all. What makes me most anxious/nervous is him being in the operating room during the procedure and seeing everything. I’m very much hoping that someone has some advice to help get over, or at least alleviate, my feeling so closed off?”

Patient 3: “I’d say the involvement of your husband is a definite positive… throughout the entire time (not just the procedure itself), you will be learning more about each other, and having to let him support you through this – it definitely makes you stronger as a couple, and is fun too to go on such an adventure together! He will learn a lot about your condition from being in the room whilst your procedure is being done, and from talking to the guys here and my husband, it really helps them to appreciate the reality and power of the vaginismus (and that it’s not just in your head!) At the end of the day, you’re married, and the strongest couples share everything about each other – intimacy is a risk because it makes you vulnerable, but also makes you have to trust each other more, which is a very good and important thing.”

Do you have any further advice for future couples who are having the procedure regarding the importance of your partner/spouse in the whole process? Any advice from both the gals AND the guys would be very, very helpful.

[Lincon]

Hello everyone,,
I think an excellent aspect of Dr. Pacik’s treatment program for vaginismus is how much he involves your partner/spouse in the entire process. My husband and I found this invaluable. Prior to my treatment, I viewed vaginismus as my own horrible issue to resolve and then we could move on to have intercourse and start our family. I felt incredibly embarrassed about it and never spoke to even my best friends about it as I felt like they wouldn’t understand why I couldn’t do something that they found so natural and enjoyable. I also felt very, very guilty about putting my husband through this and this made me feel like it was even more of my own issue to resolve solo and I then would be a better wife for him. He was incredibly supportive throughout my search for a cure and while we both lived with vaginismus but I felt as if I purposefully excluded him from a lot of the emotions that surrounded this time and never fully involved him or realized it was something that we were working on overcoming together until we were in Dr. Pacik’s office. Once there, I didn’t want him to come into the operating room, which I regret now as he said he wanted to and it helps the partner to understand the physical aspects of vaginismus that much more. Then, when I woke up from the procedure and began to remove the dilator and re-insert it (pain-free), I was so shy and apprehensive about doing this with him there as well. One of the recovery room nurses, Andrea, talked to me and explained that it was very important to have him remain while I practiced dilating as vaginismus is something that we were working on overcoming as a team and together. I really listened to her and allowed him to stay right by my side and it was such an important decision. By allowing him to witness me inserting, removing, and re-inserting all of the sized dilators and by him even helping me to do this, I began to trust him so much more and he could see, for the very first time, that something was inside of me and could be entirely pain-free. It helped us both tremendously and also brought us that much closer together. If you’re nervous about involving your partner, as I was, I can’t stress enough how important this part of the treatment is and how much it helps to have their support and assistance throughout.

Other forum members have also commented on the importance of involving your partner/spouse in the process:

Patient 1: “My partner joined me for my treatment and he stood by Dr. Pacik and saw the whole procedure which made him finally realize that I was not overreacting! Kodi From that point on, it made him realize that I was not rejecting him, I simply had a condition that needed to be treated.”

Patient 2: “My husband and I are traveling to NH in a couple of weeks (EEK!!) for the procedure, and I’m starting to get anxious! Not necessarily about the actual procedure, but about the involvement of my husband (who does want to be involved). We have been married nearly five years, both virgins when we married, and have not been able to have intercourse at Lucky Patcher all. What makes me most anxious/nervous is him being in the operating room during the procedure and seeing everything. I’m very much hoping that someone has some advice to help get over, or at least alleviate, my feeling so closed off?”

Patient 3: “I’d say the involvement of your husband is a definite positive… throughout the entire time (not just the procedure itself), you will be learning more about each other, and having to let him support you through this – it definitely makes you stronger as a couple, and is fun too to go on such an adventure together! He will learn a lot about your condition from being in the room whilst your procedure is being done, and from talking to the guys here Mobdro and my husband, it really helps them to appreciate the reality and power of the vaginismus (and that it’s not just in your head!) At the end of the day, you’re married, and the strongest couples share everything about each other – intimacy is a risk because it makes you vulnerable, but also makes you have to trust each other more, which is a very good and important thing.”

Do you have any further advice for future couples who are having the procedure regarding the importance of your partner/spouse in the whole process? Any advice from both the gals AND the guys would be very, very helpful.
___________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you my issue has been solved,…

[basilspending]

Definitely something to consider doing. Not only did I feel terrible about putting my husband through this, but the realization that it was my responsibility to fix on my own made me feel like I could be a better wife if I did so. Even though he was very encouraging while I looked for a treatment and as we both dealt with vaginismus, I didn’t feel like I really involved him or knew that word wipe this was something we were fighting to overcome together until we were in Dr. Pacik’s office. At the time, I resented the idea of letting him inside the operating room, but I realize now that it would have been beneficial for him to see what was going on.