Issues during PIV on the male side

[imapartner]

My wife is currently following treatment for her vaginismus. Her therapist told her that often males start having issues keeping their erection or not being able to get an ejaculation once penetration is possible, especially if they never had PIV sex with another partner. Are there statistics on this? Studies? Research? How many % of all couples start having issues during PIV contact after vaginismus?

[Heather]

Hi imapartner! I can tell this subject is making you anxious. My husband had issues just a couple times, and he had never had PIV before. I think the main issue was, before sex I would have to dilate and we had to be careful and it wasn’t very passionate or ‘hot’ haha and I think he was just really worried that he was going to hurt me. Communication will help you both tremendously! Once you both are able to have PIV together, it is so important that you are learning how to help her, what positions work best, what she likes and doesn’t like. It’s definitely a learning experience. It took my husband and I a few months to find our rythm. If you’re getting and maintaining erections through other forms of play, I think you’ll be okay!

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi imapartner – Heather is totally right! This is a common (but rarely discussed) issue for partners of people dealing with vaginismus. I had vaginismus myself which involved intensive treatment, and something I wasn’t expecting was for him to have orgasm issues once we were able to have intercourse, but that was totally the case. He had gotten too familiar with the sensation of his own hand giving him an orgasm and wasn’t able to have one any other way for awhile.

Heather’s advice was excellent, but one thing we also ended up needing to do was have my boyfriend stop masturbating entirely so he could unlearn the familiarity he had with his hand and build up some sexual tension to release during intercourse. If you’re having issues getting erections, you may just need to move more slowly and develop your sensations of arousal again. Either way, know that this is totally normal and something a lot of couples that have dealt with vaginismus face!