Lack of motivation

[MrsYou]

Hi guys,

I’ve been dilating on and off for 2 years but my problem is consistency. I have got to size 3 but I am really struggling with motivation. I might dilate one day and then not dilate the rest of the week and before I know it my period starts.

I’m at a stage I want to start a family but to do that I need to overcome vaginismus first. You’d think that would be enough to motivate me but I just get so lazy and put it off. The intention is there I just don’t end up doing it!

Please help!

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi MrsYou – this is definitely a common problem, so don’t despair! The fact that you are able to move up through the dilator sizes to some degree is a sign that dilation can work for you and that you have had success in the past, so what’s required now is channeling those strengths into a regimen that gets actual results.

In my experience of dilating after getting the Botox procedure at the Maze clinic, the absolute most important factor of success in dilating is CONSISTENCY, even moreso than the rigor or length of the dilation. Dilating for 5-10 minutes every day for 3 weeks will get you further than dilating for 30 minutes every few days when you feel like it. There’s just something about the daily engagement that helps your body not to lose the progress it’s made and get used to the idea that penetration can be regular and not unpleasant.

How you’re able to achieve that consistency is something you’ll probably know best about yourself. What’s something you do every day and what makes you do it? This could be going for a walk, brushing your teeth, or anything else you’ve learned to do every day without having to go through an involved decision-making process about or checking in with yourself about whether you “feel like” doing it. The other major advantage of doing it every day is that it removes any calculation around whether you FEEL like doing it – you simply do it. We eat and sleep not because we feel like it but because we must, and I recommend bringing that mental framing to this same exercise.
I hope this helps – I think if you’re able to dilate a little every day you’ll start to see bigger results. Let us know if you have other questions or there’s anything else we can help with!

[Cathleen Kneidl, RPA-C]

Hi MrsYou,
It is totally understandable that you are having difficulty keeping with a dilation program. It’s not laziness. Dilation is hard, it takes time and it is just not fun.
It sounds like you have a definite goal in mind, wanting to start a family. I highly recommend making an appointment with someone knowledgeable about vaginismus and dilation and working together to set up a dilation program. And then, as recessivegenequeen said, working that dilation into your regular schedule. Let that goal help motivate you towards achieving success!

[Vee0706]

Hii,
I am in the process of dialating, but due to busy schedule finding it difficult to focus on dialation. And when I try after a gap even second smallest dialator is difficult to insert which leads to demotivation.
I want to cure vaginismus and start a family. But due to lack of motivation finding it difficult to focus. Even when I have time, laziness grips me and I end up doing nothing.

Please help!!

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Vee0706 – I’m so sorry you’ve been having this problem! Both the physical and emotional factors can make it SUPER hard to motivate to dilate. We all have busy lives and finding the time and fortitude to stick with something so demanding takes work, so I want to validate that you’re undertaking something hard and it isn’t always straightforward!

When you’re struggling to make the commitment to dilate, I’d first recommend resetting your goal somewhere that seems manageable, whatever that looks like. Tell yourself you only have to do 5 minutes, or even that you just have to TRY dilating every day, and you’ll start to see more consistent results. It can be easy to psych ourselves out by putting expectations on every session being long or productive, but consistency matters more in the long run and is more meaningful when building a habit. And this time commitment won’t be forever – it may help to think of it as a project in service of starting a family.