Lack of Pleasure

[thereisn0try]

Hi all — thanks for your bravery in sharing your stories. They’ve really helped me solve a lot of issues of my own in getting through vaginismus.

It became apparent to me when I got married that I have vaginismus. I have been pretty successful with dilators and my husband and I finally had penetrative sex this week (very proud of myself!). However, I’ve been ignoring another issue in favor of treating vaginismus. I’m not expecting to feel pleasure from intercourse any time soon. I know this will take time and, further, that most women feel more pleasure from their vulva area and specifically their clitoris. I feel nothing in that area when my husband tries anything there. It’s not numb, it just produces zero pleasure, and is occasionally irritating. This has not always been my experience on my own, but I have struggled to produce any feeling there myself since I got married. There have been a couple of flashes of positive feeling, but very few and far between. Is this vaginismus related? Can I expect to start feeling something now that we can have intercourse? I have tried sex therapy and it didn’t help.

Thanks — appreciate any advice!

[Heather]

Hi Thereisn0try!
Congratulations on achieving intercourse that is HUGE!!
Being female, pleasure for us is more mental than it is physical. When you find yourself in the moment with your s/o, make sure you are in a good head space. That you aren’t fearing intercourse or pain, and that you’re relaxed and have had lots of foreplay! I also don’t feel much pleasure from sex alone, most women don’t. But what I do helps make it really fun for the both of us! We use a cock ring. It’s just a ring with a vibrator that you put on your partners penis and the vibrator is for your clitoris! I found that I like that the best as I hate fingers touching it. You could also try exploring that area by yourself, and see truly if there is sensation or not. If after a few times of trying and you still feel like something is wrong I would definitely give Maze a call. They offer sooooo much help with all things sex they’re wonderful. Good luck!! We’re always here on the forum for you 🙂