Making Peace with Vaginismus

[Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSW]

One of the things I hear over and over again from vaginismus patients is that they feel damaged or abnormal. Even after all of the hard work they have done to overcome vaginismus, many have the fear that it will come back. I think trying to “make peace” with vaginismus” is very important to the healing process. This is not your fault, there is nothing you did to cause this, and you are not being punished. When those negative automatic thoughts about vaginismus start to enter your thoughts, try and find a phrase or mantra that helps your feel in control, and at peace with your vaginismus. Some examples patients have used include ” peaceful vagina,” and “vaginsmus no more.” Anything that can help you heal your psychological battle with vaginismus will benefit both the mind and the body over time.

[Rachel Hercman, LCSW]

Great post, Nicole.

It really speaks to the need for vaginismus treatment to not just be about physical changes, but also addressing the painful emotional aspect as well.

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

I recently spoke with a woman with vaginismus who wanted me to understand that her fear was overwhelming and felt bigger than her “pain”. She did the Botox procedure and is doing much better physically and slowly healing emotionally. Finding a mantra as Nicole suggests is a great idea – connecting mind and body is necessary in overcoming vaginismus.

[recessivegenequeen]

This was such a huge part of my treatment of vaginismus for me – becoming okay with the fact that I’d been suffering with vaginismus for so long. It was unfair and painful, but you will start to heal much faster when you let go of the resentment of the past. Sure, I wish I had not had years of sexual self-doubt, but I’m fortunate now to have so many years ahead of me to have new experiences and to live free from shame. Part of making peace is learning to look forward instead of looking back.

[Heather34]

This is such a great post. I, too, held on to so much resentment even after I was physically healed. I was upset emotionally that it took so long to find the Botox treatment. Once I learned to let this go, it helped me to feel so much lighter and better overall.

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

It’s so important not to dismiss the power of our minds. I love the idea of a mantra to affirm ourselves and feel at peace.

[Rachel Hercman, LCSW]

“making peace is learning to look forward instead of looking back”

love this!!

[Gatoxistem]

I love this forum, it really speaks womanhood and it has a big help to everyone.

[Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSW]

Hello Gatoxistem,

Thanks so much for joining the forum. Glad to know it has been helpful!

[Marrywill]

Very amazing post Nicole and helpful too.

[Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSW]

Hello Marywill,

I am so glad you found this helpful. Wishing you all the best, and please use this forum to ask any questions or express any thoughts you may have. We are here for you, and so happy you found us.

[Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSW]

Hello Marywill,

I am so glad you found this helpful. Wishing you all the best, and please use this forum to ask any questions or express any thoughts you may have. We are here for you, and so happy you found us.

[Marrywill]

Hey Nicole,
Thanks for your concerned.

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

I’m seeing a lot of women recently who are starting to open up to friends and family about their vaginismus. As a consequence they are experiencing more support, less shame, more connection, and hope. Of course it’s up to us who invite in and who we don’t. Just wanted to let you all know what I have been noticing lately. Any thoughts? Vaginismus can be such a lonely and isolating experience.

[endofmytether]

A long time ago I used to tell friends about my vaginismus but sometimes used to get negative or impatient responses so for many years I kept it just to my husband and myself. Recently though my feelings have intensified and I have an urge to confess to my friends so in the last few weeks I have told 2 of my closest friends, who were both very surprised (I have children) but were sympathetic. What I notice though is that, once I have told someone, they never bring it up again so I don’t know whether they’re embarrassed to mention it or just don’t understand. At the moment I feel the need to be held by someone and just cry on their shoulder. I know it sounds pathetic but I’ve been dealing with this problem for decades and I’m not sure I can cope on my own for much longer. I haven’t even told my husband how I’m feeling and that I have started using dilators again after years of giving up. Why don’t friends seem to want to address this problem? It’s like they want to pretend it doesn’t exist.