Today was my first GYN exam since my procedure in October. And boy was I nervous. Heather shared with me some great ideas….like not calling the speculum by its name but rather as a dilator or an insert. That helped me so much because I have a really strong oversion to speculums. I dilated with #5 for an hour and then with #6 for an hour and drove with it in to the office. I took two Lorazapam to help me calm down. My nurse practioner has been working with me all these years and understands how difficult it is for me to have an exam. She is very kind, compassionate and patient. I have never been able to have a speculum inserted in me. Five years ago I found a inflatable speculum that you insert like a tampon and then you slowly pump it with air until it is inflated. My nurse practioner and I have found that was the only way that I could have an exam. I would always insert it myself with lots of lube and lidocaine. There were always lots of tears and lots of clenched legs and but raising. I’m am so thrilled to say that today is the first day in 50+ years that Anne Marie was able to insert a normal size speculum into me. She didn’t have to talk me through it or take breaks in between to help me to stop sobbing. It tall happened in less than a couple of minutes and it didn’t hurt at all! By the time my exam was over we were both jumping for joy and hugging each other with tears in our eyes. Dr. Pacik, thank you, thank you, thank you!!! If it wasn’t for you, your staff and your procedure I would never have thought what happened today was ever even possible for me. And even more so being able to make love to my husband without any pain whatsoever. These two great accomplishments are an answer to prayer. Prayers that I have been praying since I was 15. I don’t feel like a freak anymore. Before I felt that I wasn’t a real woman. Today I can say that I am! Tears of joy are running down my face right now. Thank you Heather, Allie and to everyone who has been so supportive. It means so much. Heather you were my cheerleader this morning. I felt so alone until you started texting me, giving me good advice and positive affirmations. You may have been thousands of miles away but I felt you were there with me cheering me on. Thank you! YES I DID IT! I HAD AN EXAM WITH A SPECULUM!!!!!!
