Need Advise… Almost there!

[daisy8886]

Hi everyone,
I just found this forum this evening and thought I would try to get some answers here. I was diagnosed with vaginismus last June 2014, Since then, I have bought dialators and made it through to the biggest size. I am now ready for my husband. However, when we try, my legs involuntarily close. I feel calm on the inside, I am doing my breathing techniques that I was taught. Does anyone have any ideas on how to make your legs stay calm? When practicing with the dialators, I am great. We have tried a couple of positions but my legs keep closing.
Thank you in advance for any advise you provide.

[lulu]

Daisy,
Congrats on the success!
Dr. Pacik calls what you are talking about leg lock. I would venture to say we have all dealt with some level of it. I had the procedure in July. I still deal with leg lock during certain situations. I am doing much better, though. I do not have it during sex, but imagine I still will have it a bit with exams. My husband has not inserted a dilator since we progressed to sex. I think my legs would still try to lock up a bit if he did, though. For me, it is a control thing. I think that might be the cause of leg lock for many vaginismus sufferers.
You said you try different positions so my only other advice would be maybe let your husband insert the dilators if he has never done that before. I always let mine do it while I was on my back because that was the worse leg lock position for me. I think that stems from gyno exams for me. Also easing into inserting his penis helps. Do not rush it. Let him kind of hover and slowly enter at your pace. Getting use to him being in you at different depths while you relax more can be helpful. I know what you mean. though, when you say you feel calm. That is the hard part with vaginismus. Your mind and body work against each other.
I hope I helped some!

[Heather34]

Hi daisy8886. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. You are making excellent progress. Hi Lulu. I remember talking on the Forum before your procedure. You are doing so, so, so wonderful and I love chatting with you. These are excellent suggestions lulu. I had major leg lock while transitioning from dilators to intercourse. I wanted to share an excellent thread with you in which I discuss this as well as tips to overcome:

How to Overcome Leg Lock

My post:
“Hi ladies. Dr. P wrote a great blog today about “leg lock” that may sometimes occur even after the treatment. Specifically he wrote “Leg lock is actually quite common … almost all my severe vaginismus patients experience this to some degree.” I certainly experienced this a lot in the beginning right after my procedure. To work around this, my hubby and I started having sex in the “doggy-style” position which makes “leg lock” completely impossible. Then, as I got more and more comfortable with intercourse, the anxiety disappeared as did the “leg lock”. For any of you who may be experiencing this with intercourse, I would definitely suggest trying the “doggy-style” position and also know that it doesn’t last forever and gets much better in time.”

Molly28 wrote:
“Hello all! I had the procedure with Dr. Pacik on January 9. I have been comfortably dilating with purple and pink since the procedure, and about a week ago was able to transition back up to blue, which was huge for me, as I had not been able to use blue since being at Dr. Pacik’s office. I have been experiencing this “leg lock” whenever I dilate with blue. It is quite uncomfortable and causes me to become more anxious while dilating. I am not the best at being able to move around while dilating, and find that I am most comfortable just laying on my back. I have found that standing pillows up under my knees has been effective in relieving some of this discomfort. This has worked for me somewhat, but am nervous that it will get worse, as my husband and I are in the process of transitioning to intercourse, which I am having a good bit of anxiety about.”

Dr. Pacik wrote:
“What is leg lock?
LEG LOCK IS THE INVOLUNTARY REACTION OF THE THIGHS SHUTTING CLOSED WHEN PENETRATION IS ANTICIPATED.
I think we should clearly define LEG LOCK for those who may not understand this. When a woman is struggling with penetration there is a natural fear and subsequent avoidance. This can manifest as palpitations, hyperventilation, sweating, nausea, etc. and at the same time ones goes through an avoidance response in which there is retreat (moving away, buttocks lift up) as well as an uncontrolled involuntary closing of the thighs. No matter how much one wants to relax the thighs, it just doesn’t happen. The “legs lock” closed. This is common when visiting with the GYN doctor, even after successfully accomplishing intercourse.
This gets better with time as one is able to advance to the larger dilators, though even with this progress, when it comes to intercourse, the same uncontrolled closing of the thighs can take place.
It is important to hear from our “veterans”, tricks they used to overcome this, because it is so common, and almost every treated patient goes through something similar.”

My reply post:
“Hi Molly and Dr. P. Thank you so much for your posts. Dr. P – this is a very good explanation and definition of “leg lock” in its entirety (i.e. with dilation, gyn exams, and intercourse). Molly, I experienced this for quite some time even following my procedure. The things that helped me to get over this the most were the position that we used and honestly time. In the very beginning of making love, we did the missionary position and noticed that this “leg lock” was still occurring although I experienced no pain whatsoever. We then switched to the “doggy-style” (from behind) position and it is not possible at all to experience “leg-lock” in this position. Then, the more time passed and we were having intercourse on a very regular basis, the more and more comfortable I became and we would switch back to missionary and other positions and would both notice that the “leg lock” was only minor and then non-existent. It is seriously a retraining of your brain. With vaginismus, you’re automatically used to and anticipate experiencing pain and, thus, your legs completely tense up. Without this pain response and with a good amount of time with comfortable, pain-free intercourse, the “leg lock” disappears altogether. There is also a thread in daily questions – transitioning to intercourse – that I would encourage you to read as there are so many helpful tips on the transition. It is entirely normal to experience anxiety in the beginning about this. One thing that helped me the most with the transition was dilating for a good amount of time just prior to intercourse. Also, Dr. P and several of the ‘veterans’ have also commented that the morning may be the best time to transition as you would be the most stretched out from dilating the entire night prior, you would wake up refreshed, and most men have a normal morning erection. Finally, you wrote that standing pillows up under your knees has been effective in relieving some of the discomfort with leg lock and dilating. This sounds like a great idea and please know that it does get better and disappear altogether with trying different positions and as time passes.”

Guest wrote:
“I am almost sure I will have this problem as well. I am advised that one of the best positions to avoid leg lock is to lay on a slightly higher bed and locate the buttocks towards the edge of the bed and bend at least one knee. A pillow under the belly might help to elevate the vaginal area. Then the partner should be in a standing position for penetration. I am not a native speaker of English so I hope I could describe the picture.”

I hope this helps and am here for you. Please keep us updated. Sending you both hugs!!!

[lulu]

Doggy style or “spooning” might be helpful Daisy if you have not tried it. It personally is not comfortable for me at all. My husband is “larger” and I am very petite. I also feel like I can’t relax in this position. However, if I lay on my side and he enters me sideways I do not have any discomfort. I didn’t know until this post what that position was called and had a reason to look it up. I believe it is called the linguine. I am not sure I will ever look at linguine the same again, but now I am hungry for pasta.

[lulu]

Heather,

I am doing well! I still can’t believe how far I have progressed in such a short amount of time. I have my moments and figure I will for a long time, but I am happy with where I am at and am going. I have been slacking off on my dilating the past couple of weeks, though. I am not proud of it. I plan on getting back on schedule this week. I have a habit of waiting until night and them I am tired and just want to go to bed. Take care!

[Heather34]

Hi guys! I love the “linguine” post …lol! So cute! I have not tried this position with the hubby but want to now. Daisy, this could work so great for you too. Let us know. Lulu, you are making tremendous progress. Isn’t it amazing to look back and see where you once were and where you are right now. I do this all the time and remember not being able to even insert a tampon pre-procedure to now being able to make love to my hubby and have successful gyn exams pain-free. Thank God and thank Dr. P and the new group, Maze, that there is a treatment option out there that works to cure vaginimsus.

In regards to finding the time to dilate, in the past, Rachel wrote such a great post that I wanted to share:

“I found sleeping in the dilaters worked for me because I am a 12 hour shift worker. I certainly couldn’t wear them to work!lol I have had an idea though that may help some people just starting out. Maybe Dr.Pacik could comment on what he thinks of this thought. I was thinking that whilst we are at work on long shifts we could switch to inserting tampons. That way our vagina is still getting used to having something in there and are brains are getting used to inserting things too. They are discrete and easy to carry around and you don’t have to waddle and look like you have a bad back or are 9 months pregnant when you are walking around! Just a thought.

Another thought is to treat your dilation treatment like a pavlo dogs experiement! Pamper yourself and provide yourself with a treat whilst you are doing your dilation treatment. For example, when you have your dilaters in watch your favourite movie or endulge in a big bar of chocolate or your favourite cake or a glass of red wine! That way you can look forward to sitting with your dilaters in!”

Sending you big hugs!! :):):)