Question

[yellowmoon]

Hello there,

I’ve been reading along here on the board for a few weeks.

Me and my husband are both Muslim. We got married in July this year and were both virgins at that time. In fact, we still are, since penetration has never been possible and I’ve been diagnosed with vaginismus.

Due to our religion, my husband isn’t allowed to masturbate, and only PIV contact with the aim to have children is allowed. Whenever we try to have sex and foreplay takes too long, it starts hurting him around his testicles and also on the inside (his prostate?) and it takes hours before this feeling goes away. So it’s kind of preventing us to experiment with my vaginismus.

Does this sound familiar to you? Is this normal? What causes this?

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi yellowmoon – how long do you have to be interacting sexually for this pain to affect your husband? It’s possible it could be epididymal hypertension (EH), a condition that can affect people with male genitals where they experience pain and aching in the testicles after having an erection without an orgasm. In America we colloquially call this “blue balls.”

If this is happening really quickly, it might be something different. Does he keep his erection even during this pain? It could be something like priapism in that case. Or he could even have some issue that affects how blood flows to his penis that causes pain.

I am not fully sure what your religion allows and prohibits, but you might try to give your husband an orgasm even with your hand or your mouth to see if that affects his pain. That could help you better understand what is happening so you can address your vaginismus and move toward having intercourse.

[yellowmoon]

Thanks for your reply! It only happens when he’s sexually excited for a while, not right after he gets an erection, so it might actually be the blue balls thing. Which is kind of annoying, since masturbation isn’t allowed in our religion, not even when I give him an orgasm manually.

[recessivegenequeen]

Yellowmoon, sorry to hear that and that’s DEFINITELY annoying! The “good” news is that if it’s blue balls it means he’s experiencing a normal sensation and doesn’t have anything medically wrong with him, but I’m sorry you don’t have good options for relieving his discomfort outside of intercourse. Have you tried pursuing any treatments for your vaginismus? That could be an option for longer-term relief for you both down the road.

[leonii]

I’m pretty sure it’s a condition called blue balls. My husband had this too when we tried to have sex and it can really hurt – at some point we even hesitated to go to a doctor. But we discovered the pain goes away after he has an ejaculation so that’s usually the solution when he gets it.