Sexual aspect of treatment often forgotten?

[rabbit]

Hi.

I’ve been diagnosed with vaginismus and I’m seeing a therapist for over a year now.

We spend a lot of time together and I dare say I trust her 100%. I’m slowly making progression and the end is in sight.

One of the subjects we often talk about is the sexual aspect of having vaginismus. I don’t have any issues giving myself an orgasm, but apparently lots of women who have vaginismus also suffer from difficulties reaching a climax. Some of them really have no idea on how to have one.

My therapist helps them dealing with their vaginismus but also teaches them how to relax enough to be able to reach an orgasm – which muscles should contract, how an orgasm works, etc… and she claims during a huge part of her work she feels more like sexologist instead of a pelvic floor therapist. She also says masturbation exercises are part of the deal and she even claims some of her patients got their first orgasm (with consent!) in her presence.

Just wanted to write this down since I think this is an aspect that’s often forgotten here on the board!

[Heather]

Hi rabbit!
I love this post! What this does is it teaches your brain that sexual experiences can bring pleasure! And that pain doesn’t have to be an option! Vaginismus goes hand in hand with your brain. You can cure your body but it’s also very important to overcome thoughts of fear or pain surrounding sexual experiences/penetrative sex. Your therapist sounds amazing and thank you so much for sharing your knowledge on this forum! Please please, feel free to continue to post anything you think is beneficial that you’ve learned through this journey with yourself and your therapist. And congratulations on your all your successes! I hope to read your success story here sometime 🙂 Keep going!! You’re doing great!!

[tammyg]

Hi rabbit,

Sounds like you’ve got a fantastic therapist. I’ve heard that patients suffering from vaginismus often have a negative view on sexuality. They don’t masturbate, never had an orgasm, have more issues touching their vagina, etc… but I’m not sure that’s true. Perhaps someone else here can tell us more on this?

I do find it great that therapists also take the time to learn their patients how to masturbate, since not everyone seems to know how to do it. Having an orgasm helps you relax and this can certainly help when you’re dealing with vaginismus. I’m not sure I’d be able to have an orgasm myself in the presence of a therapist, but I guess this shows her patients feel at ease when she’s around. Imagine how it feels if a therapist walks you through the steps to get an orgasm and you manage to have one for the first time in your life thanks to her, that must be a unique experience.

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi rabbit! I definitely think that a lot of women with vaginismus also deal with other sexual issues like an inability to orgasm, ignorance about masturbating, etc. It makes a lot of sense – the association with pain and sex can turn women off of any kind of interaction with their vaginas at all, and a lot of women with vaginismus report being brought up in a culture that was either religious or somehow restrictive of sexual activity.

I recently read the book Sex Points by Bat Sheva Marcus (the clinical director of the Maze Clinic that maintains these forums) and it talked a lot about how sexual issues like pain and orgasm often overlap and affect each other. Often the pain is the symptom that gets the most urgent attention but there’s a lot you can do for orgasm issues too! The book talks about these things more in depth but even just getting a vibrator can be such a game-changer for women who haven’t had orgasms yet.