Six months & no sex……yet!

[katie]

Hi everyone,

It is now over 6 months post-procedure and haven’t managed to transition to intercourse yet. As to what is holding me back,. I guess I expected to be comfortable with the large dilators first; currently, I am managing to insert the pink dilator part-way on most days, occasionally half-way and once or twice, most of it has gone in. It just feels like there is no more room down there and it has been this way for some time now 🙁

I would be very pleased to hear from anyone who has taken some time to progress and transition following the procedure.

Most days, I am motivated to continue in the hope that this will lead to us having a normal sex life but occasionally I get a little despondent!

Many thanks,
Katie

[Heather34]

Hi Katie. We are all here together to help and support you!!!!!

[Janet Pacik]

Hi Katie, I have recently been reading a lot on positive thinking and meditation as we all have “stuff” we are dealing with in our personal lives. One of the things that might help is to spend 10 or 15 uninterrupted minutes a day doing nothing such as meditating or staring at some natural motion like flowing water. This daily period of mindful silence may provide a sanctuary for you that can be peaceful where you can then meditate on the positive side of dilating and transitioning to intercourse. It is my firm belief that you need to visualize success in order to overcome this. This mindful silence may give you that opportunity. Just a thought and may be worth trying. Sending positive energy your way.

[pianochica]

Katie,

I’ve really kind of avoided and not bothered with this site but Dr. Pacik sent me your post and I just really felt like I needed to tell you my story. I had (have?) Lamont level 5 vaginismus. My husband Chris and I had saved ourselves for each other so the honeymoon was confusing. We thought we just were kinda dumb and we’d figure sex out eventually. Thankfully, we didn’t worry for several weeks so our honeymoon didn’t have any drama from vaginismus. I saw a doctor that just told me I “had some issues I just needed to get over” and had called my parents to tell them his ‘diagnosis’. So I had no support from family and my husband was even more confused than I was though he was trying to be loving and understanding.

Finally I saw on YouTube, a video of a woman sharing her story about vaginismus, and found out about Dr. Pacik. Chris and I had tried some more conventional therapies and I really felt like Dr. Pacik was our last hope. When I had my surgery, I was with another girl, Ashlee, who is my age and I watched her progress so well those few days…. but I was having major pain and kept digressing with the dilators. Even now, I cry thinking about how terrible I felt and that this was it. I kept trying to use the dilators for a few weeks, but it just kept getting worse physically and I was drowning emotionally. After two weeks, I stopped trying to use the dilators, feeling like it just wasn’t any use.

Chris and I tried everything we could think of the next few months… to no avail. I felt like trying so hard started to push us apart – push me away and make me feel like an object. Nothing was working and we finally gave up trying.

About 5 or 6 months later, and 11 months after the operation, we were enjoying our sex life better and not pushing so hard to try to get to intercourse that we became that much more comfortable. It took a lot of comfortability and creativity but it was fun. Last May (11 months post-operation), Chris started trying to penetrate with his finger. I thought it would be weird to ask him to try that but he liked it for some reason …. I guess guys just like touching no matter how they do it.. ? 🙂 Anyway, he didn’t get in at all the first several times and then not that far in for quite a while after that, but I tried to be very communicative about what I was feeling and what I was okay with and he became really good at responding and learning when to back off. So eventually, my body became more relaxed with his finger around my vagina. When his finger did finally start to get inside it did really hurt, but I just kept remembering the dilators and how it only hurts for that first little while and then it just slips right in. It took a lot of playtime to finally get his finger all the way inside of me, but we just kept playing and practicing. After several weeks, he finally got in all the way and did it a few times the next few days. After a while, the pleasure was more pronounced than any discomfort I felt. Then we started trying intercourse. That was kind of the same process that it took several weeks and it really did hurt at first but that I just kept thinking about the part where the dilators just slip in. After a while, we finally achieved intercourse! – over a year after the operation. Again, the first little while, it hurt and some days were (and are) better than others.

One thing – one of the most important things – that I’ve learned through this is that you really have to balance the physical and the emotional. When we had the most success is when we were both feeling good and comfortable with the sex life we had, even though intercourse was impossible. Just be creative. When you both feel good emotionally about each other, you will be able to relax better – something that is crucial! Chris and I often said (and still sometimes say) to each other is “No expectations”. Focus on enjoying each other for what you have and in time, the rest will follow when you are comfortable trying. Don’t lose sight of the love you share. That’s why you have sex – to fully express and share in that love that goes so much deeper than sex or intercourse.

I don’t really get on here much, but if you want to talk more, you can email me. pianochica@gmail.com
I wish the best for you, Katie!

With love,
Jaime

[laurel]

It took me about seven months to be able to have intercourse. Don’t give up, you have came a long way! Just keep practicing what you know and the confidence to go to the next step will come. Try to celebrate the tiny accomplishments and don’t feel bad. Even though I could start to have intercourse seven months after the procedure, it really took a couple years to get good at it and for it to be truly pleasurable. 😉 it takes time for some of us and that is okay. You can’t rush yourself and only you know your body. I would write down your progress or how you are doing so you can look back and be like wow, I am really further along then I thought! I have made good progress! 🙂 I hope this encourages you.

[nm174]

Katie

It took me eight months to have intercourse after the surgery. It took me this long because first of all because i was still scared and a lot of it was that i didn’t have the time to dedicate to the dilators. So what i did was one weekend when i was completely alone and nobody was in the house to bother me I started off with the smallest dilator and left it in for about an hour slid it in and out until i felt comfortable and then moved up to the next one and did the same and so on and so forth until i got to the biggest dilator. With this one I would leave it in for at least an hour or so and i would make sure i would use lubricants on all of them it helps out a lot. I did this from the time i woke up until about 11 pm every night. It sounds a bit obsessive but i was determined to do this. Then for a about a week i would use only the big dilator in the evenings for about an hour and half practicing. This does take time but you have to make the time out of the day to do this no matter what. Then after about a week my husband and i tried and it didn’t work because for me it took time for the dilator to go in and that is not the case with a penis cause it can only stay erect for awhile. So what my husband suggested was to take viagra so the next night we tried with that and it worked and we never had to use it again. It does feel uncomfortable and u may feel a bit of a burning sensation but you will get used to it and it does get better. This may be too much information but i would have liked someone to give me some step by step advice like this, so i hope this helps. And good luck to you if u stay motivated and determined it will happen.

[coffee]

Thanks for your post! I am post procedure Sept. 18, trying to get to number six, that is what worries me is transitioning to intercourse from the dilators. December will be four months for me, so I would like to get this taken care of. Did you all notice a difference after the botox wore off? I want to succeed so badly and not fail. Thanks so much for this post, same concerns i have been dealing with.

[katie]

Thank you all so much for your posts. I was very pleasantly surprised to see so many helpful replies so quickly. That really has given me more determination to succeed and some great ideas to follow up on. Coffee- I didn’t notice a difference after the Botox wore off and I think that seems to be the experience others have. Thanks again 🙂