Success story

[Hopefull]

Hi, I am 25 year old and i would like to share my experience, i want to write every little detail because a) i want to get it out of my system and b) i think i was that girl few months back who wanted to know what happens when someone actually does have intercourse ,
I got married in the late December and as being a muslim woman offcourse I didn’t know much just the horror stories of girls how they bleed how it was burning and stuff like that so off course the wedding night was a disaster i shivered like crazy and i was having leg cramps badly eventually we thought its just winter’s so it will go away , my husband took 15 days leave and i was so nervous each day that we will try and I couldn’t actually overcome it because my legs was always tighter and my heart was out of control one month actually passed and i wasn’t so sure so i started learning online and i did found out i have an issue i found a youtube video of amina and she was the only one talking about it i discussed it with my family and they told me to stop searching rubbish online its just in your head move on with it and do it , 3 months later I wasn’t able to do it so i talked to my mother about it and she took me to see a gynaecologist and the PV horror came i screamed out of my lungs and she told my mother that this is not my case you should definitely see a psychologist my mother agreed and we actually took an appointment to which my sisters responded don’t be naive slap her on the face and tell her to do it its all a drama so me and my mother both dropped the topic but i did consult a psychologist she advised me some anxiety medication and xyloaid gel and told me to just do it its that easy (horrible decision) i followed her advised and started taking the medication apply gel but on the outer later because i was to afraid to put it in. Nothing happened. I was so frustrated my mother advised me to put oil on just one finger and try to put it in and then i did try it so now i was very happy i again tried and tried but no it didn’t work and the medications use to give me heart palpitations when i use to wake up from a deep sleep. Mind that my husband use to ejaculate on my vaginaa it never use to go in but still it was there . Anyways after 5 months i found out that i got pregnant and i was over the moon i still remembered the first thing my husband ask was (Did we actually do it ). And i told him yeah maybe . 3 months passed and i stopped putting any fingers in because i thought thats it im going to push the baby out and i will overcome it 3 months later we found out i had a miscarriage and i have to go through a proper DNC i was heart broken the horror started in my life and i still remember the night doctors begged me to put the tablet inside but I couldn’t and then they found out i am still a virgin and the entire team was shocked and then they asked me how so i told them and my sister asked them what is the reason they told her she have vaginismus and she will never be able to have intercourse they whispered and i heard prepare yourself she will be divorced soon because it cant be healed its a mental condition the sperm has traveled alot and it has became weak. My mother heard it and she told me everything will pass and we will survive and she told me they are going to use special tools on you and the space will be made so you will be at ease and her words gave me a relief that yes im scared of hymen breaking and the bleeding and I shouldn’t be any more. The days was devastating and I couldn’t held myself back but think i can not go any further i want to eand the suffering now. I woke up from the surgery and i just remember whispering (sorry) to every single person i still dont know why it hirts to even wrote this because this the first time i am telling this .After 20-25 days of bleeding i was happy that yes now its easy for me to do it but no i got way tighter than before the practice that i had for just one finger was gone then i decided that i had such a big loss already i can’t afford no more i started reading online and dilator’s are not available in my country i came across the post way earlier in my marriage days but there was a woman who was an angel in this journey (strong woman) i contacted her through email to know how to make dilator’s i took her advise but i would like to share something its hard to put cosmetic bottles so i searched and searched and found that you could measure candles in the exact same diameter put a condom on its much safer , anyways i dialated every single day expect for when i was on my periods and when i came to 4.5 i asked her if thats ok and she told me no you have to go even further i was heartbroken and angry so i did i tried 4.8 and i was so angry on this vaginismus that i did it i pushed it in so angrily that i did it in one go so I continued and yes it did help me, fews days back i was finally able to do it , i never knew if could write a success story a woman whose cotton bud use to dangle outside the hole and she still use to cry every single day was able to do it , my husband, my mother and my sisters all were very supportive. They all realised its not just in the head.
Hope it helps to each and everyone of you who are fighting i know it takes time and it’s obviously hard but don’t be me i had a big loss to actually find myself i will never be able to heal from it but atleast we did it and im glad

[Persevere]

@Hopefull You are a very strong woman yourself for enduring all this pain and I’m so happy that you got over this! Congratulations! ❤️❤️❤️

[Persevere]

I think part of the problem is that everyone around us tells us that it’s all in our head. We’re just making stuff up when actually it’s a medical condition. I hope more awareness regarding this can spread in the future

[Hopefull]

Yes i agree everyone should be educated but its also not anyones fault something that you are not supposedly experience or heard how you will be able to accept it.

I forgot to mention
My dialation period took 4 months and i tried

Initially with my fingers I stared from one finger then 2 and the 3.
Then i stared with the dialators in diameter 3, 3.5 , 4,4.5 and at last 4.8

To whom ever still struggling and reading this is not easy i know but our vagina is an elastic the more you stretch it the more it will open, its not about the mind the or the heart its all about the muscle training your mind can race up and say yes i can do it take a jump in dilators i remember when i jumped from 3 to 4 I couldn’t so i started 3.5 and at first try it didn’t go in so i thought i should try it at night and o boy that was bad decision I remember hurting myself and I wasn’t able to do it for a week so take small step do it consistently but also just listen to your body if its ready theres no harm and i giving yourself a break.
Good luck to everyone