The aftermath of vaginismus (low libido, anorgasmia, etc.)

[Heather34]

Hi ladies. Often times, women with vaginismus may also suffer from low libido and anorgasmia (the inability to have an orgasm). I found a very interesting article on overcoming anorgasmia: http://www.anorgasmia.com/anorgasmia.htm
Excerpts from the article include:
“Counseling for anorgasmic women will most likely focus on three areas. First, Women are usually encouraged to attend sex therapy with their primary sexual partner. There are several reasons for this, but the primary one is that anorgasmia, like many sexual dysfunctions, can not be seen solely as the woman’s problem- there are many relationship variables which effect the symptom and, therefore, need to be treated in couples therapy. Counseling often begins with an element of sexual education for the couple. The couple is taught the mechanisms of sexual arousal in women and, most importantly, they are taught the differences in the male and female sexual response cycles.
Female inhibited orgasm is often treated with specific therapeutic techniques. Couples will often be taught to use sensate focus exercises at home, and females will often be taught and encouraged to use systematic desensitization, Kegel exercises, and directed masturbation to treat their orgasm problem. Directed masturbation is a technique whereby the woman is educated as to how she can bring herself to orgasm. The hope is that through her increased body-awareness and comfort with orgasm, the woman can transfer this knowledge and take charge in directing her partner during intercourse, thereby achieving orgasm with her partner. Beyond education and techniques, counseling will likely focus on the emotional or situational factors of both the individual and the couple that are contributing to the lack of orgasm in the woman.”
I would welcome any comments and feedback from any members who may have overcome these additional problems that often coincide with vaginismus.

[Heather34]

Hi ladies. When my hubby and I first started having sex, I was disappointed that I didn’t have an orgasm every time we had intercourse as I assumed we were supposed to. I later learned that only 30% of women actually achieve orgasm with vaginal penetration. I was relieved to learn this and have experienced orgasms with foreplay as well as clitoral stimulation during intercourse. We use a small clitoral vibrator and it makes the experience so much better and more enjoyable for me! I think the key is truly good communication with your partner and discovering each others likes/dislikes.

[Darcy@CSCSNH]

In addition to 70% of women needing clitoral stimulation to have orgasm, its important to remember that there are a lot of physical and emotional connections that need to take place in order to achieve an orgasm. Women who have been dealing with vaginismus often have very negative past experiences and strong memories of pain. Even with successful treatment helping you to have painless penetration, the brain chemistry that holds these “muscle memories” can still make it difficult to “let go” and cum. Heather did quote a very insightful article above, which had some good recommendations for treatment. But more than anything, for the women that I see in my sex counseling practice, it helps to build positive sex memories and to focus on communication with your partner. Using fantasy and connecting sound, touch, taste, smells, and images to the sexual experience can also aid that “letting go”. The images, smells, etc don’t even have to be sexual. If fresh baked cookies make you smile and feel warm and gooey inside, or an image of green grass swaying in a field relaxes you, focusing on those things during foreplay or while masturbating will help to create new “memories” that will start to elicit those same warm gooey feelings with sexual touch. Before you know it, sex and sexual touch start to bring on those same emotions. Knowing your own body and how it reacts to various touch and stimulation are also very critical to helping to share that experience with someone else.

[Heather34]

This is a wonderful post Darcy!!!! Thank you for your thoughts!!!!