The Emotions of Vaginismus and Getting Help

[Heather34]

I recently read this story and it touches so much on the emotions on vaginismus. Please, please know that help is available.

Allie describes her journey with vaginismus:

“My self-esteem plummeted. I didn’t feel sexy or spontaneous anymore. I couldn’t do the one thing everyone wants to do and talks about being the most incredible thing ever. I couldn’t do it. My body wouldn’t let me. Why? Who was I supposed to talk to about this? What would people think? I was terrified to discuss it with anyone who knew me because I didn’t want it to define me. I didn’t want my friend or my sister to look at me and think she’s not a real woman; she can’t have sex. Or it’s all in her head; why doesn’t she just buck up and do it? Because my body wouldn’t let me.

Vaginismus is a protective reflex. And as much as I reminded myself of this, I still blamed myself. I felt so stupid. So alone. I cried almost everyday. Crying was actually the only way I felt I could release the pain and stress that I was feeling. I would stand in the shower where the running water would drown out my crying and I would just sob.

When I read Dr. Pacik’s book, I caught a glimpse of real hope. There was a solution. There were other women in the world that were having and had had the same feelings I did. The same struggle. There were people who could help. When you have vaginismus, you think nothing will help you. You think you’re a hopeless case, but you’re not; you can be cured. You just have to set your mind to do so and get the help you need.”

Dr. Pacik trained Maze and they, too, offer the Botox treatment program and so many other treatments for vaginismus. So importantly, like Dr. P, they care and they thoroughly understand what each of us has gone through with it and they can and want to help!!!

[Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSW]

Thanks for sharing this Heather! Everyday at MAZE I speak with vaginismus patients who tell some version of this story. The shame that something is wrong with you, or that you did something to deserve vaginismus is pervasive among patients. But we are here to tell you that you are not alone. While the shame you feel is real, please keep reading the forum and know that vagnismus is treatable as is the shame that so often goes along with it.

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Thanks for sharing the feelings that get stirred up by vaginismus. They are real and by embracing them you are a step closer to treating vaginismus; understandably it doesn’t feel so good on many levels. All sorts of feelings come with the territory and the Maze team is here to help.

[Heather34]

I love this thread and what Allie wrote: “You think you’re a hopeless case, but you’re not; you can be cured. You just have to set your mind to do so and get the help you need.” Allie now is vaginismus free and her and her husband have two little boys. :):):)

[recessivegenequeen]

I think what this thread is talking about is so, so important. My vaginismus was treated with botox and while one of the most meaningful gains from the procedure was a healthy and happy sex life, I also feel so much more confident and well-adjusted. Even if my boyfriend and I broke up, I would have so much less of the anxiety I used to have that came from feeling like I had a huge “secret” that was almost sure to make people reject me. Reclaiming your peace of mind is a huge and profound part of the process of healing.

[Rachel Hercman, LCSW]

recessivegenequeen- great post!

I love what you said about “reclaiming your peace of mind”. That is really so much of what this whole process of about!