This is destroying my marriage but we dont know how to get past it.

[Naturelover34]

Hello, I was diagnosed a year ago with vagnismis but still unsure of the cause. I was offered a consult at the family planning clinic and thought talking might help. Turns out I ended up just squirming in my seat at the questions being asked. Im no prude not by a long shot just think I wasnt prepared for how intimate the questions were going to be id never met the doc b4 and havent been back. I suffer with anxiety and because my husband and I feel like we just dont know how to get past it alot of tension has grown around the subject of us being intimate making even more anx about it all. My poor husbands confidence is blown because Ive knocked him back so many times I feel so guilty and sorry for him we love each other so much but this is killing our marriage what can we do xxx

[mazemelissa]

Hi Naturelover34,

Your story is one that we have heard at Maze many times, you are not alone, there is hope and treatment is available.

Your anxiety about penetration is one of the key signs of vaginismus. The fear and phobia about vaginal penetration is holding you back from intimacy, and the continued disappointments of failed intercourse attempts continue to compound the situation.

I would encourage you to seek out a counselor for your anxiety as a start. Someone you can see regularly to help with the anxiety. Anxiety medication might also be very helpful.

If you feel like you can start a home dilation program, I would purchase a dilator kit and see if you can make any progress with vaginal penetration on your own.

Seeking out a pelvic floor physical therapist can also be a great option.

And for sure, you should consider coming to Maze. You sound like you would be a great candidate for our botox procedure, or possibly our new virtual dilation coaching program.

Melissa

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Naturelover34 – I’m so sorry to hear about the issues you’ve been having with vaginismus. I had it for about 10 years before I was cured through the Maze Clinic’s botox procedure and I know how hard emotionally it can be for both you and your partner to be unable to connect in that way. The stress and feelings of shame can compound the issue, like Melissa said, and it affects your partner’s confidence for sure. These feelings are totally normal in this situation and you shouldn’t feel alone in them! Countless other women have felt how you’re feeling and have been able to overcome it before, so I hope that possibility is a comfort to you.

I echo what Melissa said – I suggest exploring some treatment options like getting a set of dilators or giving Maze a call just to see what you think would work for you. This feeling does not have to be forever and there are people here who can help you reach greater happiness in the future!

[Ettina]

It sounds like besides the vaginismus itself preventing penetration, you’re also having a lot of trouble with talking about the subject and communicating effectively with your husband. Therapy might help, as others have said – both for you individually, and for both you and your husband together. Vaginismus doesn’t have to mean that you don’t have a sex life, if you and your partner communicate well and are creative about what you try in bed. (A sex toy reviewer I know has vaginismus and it doesn’t stop them from having tons of fun with their partner.)