Transition going wrong

[issa2022]

Hello people from Maze,

I’m sorry if I make spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.

After following pelvic floor therapy combined with dilator exercises, me and my husband are now transitioning towards PIV sex, but things aren’t going as well as I hoped, at least not from his side.

As soon as it becomes clear to him we’re going to have a try (usually I lay down on my back, open my legs and tell him he can enter me), he ejaculates. He can’t even get to the entrance. Sperm usually ends up somewhere on my thighs or on the sheets of the bed cause he already ejaculates on his way towards my vagina.

I have masturbated him for 8 years, because we were unable to have sex, so my thought is that he got used to that and his penis still needs to ‘learn’ new behavior. But we really have no idea on how to train him to get used to the new way of having sex.

I know several others here have talked about similar issues and I wonder if there are general guidelines or brochures on this subject available?

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi issa2022 – this is a super common issue among couples who have dealt with or who are dealing with vaginismus. As you’ve described, many of these couples have to find ways of adapting to their inability to have penetrative sex, so transitioning toward intercourse is a big change for both partners.

It sounds like your partner is getting overexcited, and I think you have a few options. If you’re not having sex often or if he isn’t masturbating, you could encourage him to try doing so a bit before you plan to have intercourse (whether that’s an hour, a few hours, or a day before will depend on your partner’s libido and patterns of arousal). I think either trying this or just trying to have sex more often will hopefully mean he’s not so over-primed that he ejaculates right away. Also, hopefully once he gets more used to the idea that he’ll be having sex, it won’t be so outright arousing to him that he ejaculates right away.

Let us know if this works or how things are going – you have worked hard to overcome things from your side and are making amazing progress!

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi issa2022 – this is a super common issue among couples who have dealt with or who are dealing with vaginismus. As you’ve described, many of these couples have to find ways of adapting to their inability to have penetrative sex, so transitioning toward intercourse is a big change for both partners.

It sounds like your partner is getting overexcited, and I think you have a few options. If you’re not having sex often or if he isn’t masturbating, you could encourage him to try doing so a bit before you plan to have intercourse (whether that’s an hour, a few hours, or a day before will depend on your partner’s libido and patterns of arousal). I think either trying this or just trying to have sex more often will hopefully mean he’s not so over-primed that he ejaculates right away. Also, hopefully once he gets more used to the idea that he’ll be having sex, it won’t be so outright arousing to him that he ejaculates right away.

Let us know if this works or how things are going – you have worked hard to overcome things from your side and are making amazing progress!