Two questions

[ds20030]

After almost 2 years of treatment, my therapist told me we were “done” in January. I was finally able to have sex with my husband, but… two things are bothering me.

1. I really have NO idea if this is normal, but penetration does not feel any special. It doesn’t hurt anymore, but I can’t say I really enjoy the feeling of my partners penis inside either. It just feels neutral. Not… uhm… exciting. It feels as if he’s touching my arm: it doesn’t feel bad, but it’s not a “wow what’s this!” kind of feeling and I certainly can’t have an orgasm from penetration. It does nothing and I even get bored after a while. Clitoral stimulation feels 100x as good.

2. I have the feeling I need to have sex multiple times a week in order to have pain free sex. When I haven’t had sex for a week or maybe two weeks, I need to use the dilator set to prepare myself again. Is this something I’ll need to do for the rest of my life?

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi ds20030 – thanks so much for both of these great questions!
First of all, YES, this is very normal and in fact is how the majority of women experience intercourse! About 75% of women cannot reach orgasm from penetration alone, so you are in plenty of company. Some women love penetration but for most other women, it just… doesn’t do that much for them. The clitoris is really where most of the fun nerve endings are concentrated, so if intercourse ins’t involving clitoral stimulation, odds are you just won’t get there.

As to your second question, this is also pretty normal I think (at least for me) and especially if you have a partner with a larger penis. It’s sort of like if you just stop working out for a couple of weeks and then try to run three miles – you’re probably going to feel a bit sore and out of practice! The vagina is much the same. I don’t dilate anymore but if I have sex less than once or twice a week, it hurts a bit more next time me and my partner DO have intercourse, or it’s just harder to get his penis in. You likely will need to keep up a slightly more frequent intercourse schedule than every 2 weeks if you don’t want to deal with that, but if that’s not feasible then dilation is a fine substitute to get ready.

[Heather]

Hi ds20030
I love everything recessivegenequeen said! But there are lots of ways you can make penetrative sex more fun! My fave way is a vibrating penis ring! That way my clit is involved in penetrative sex as well and it’s sooo much better! My husband doesn’t mind at all! And yes, unfortunately we will always have up-keep for those muscles but it is a small price to pay for no longer having to deal with vaginismus. I once went 2 weeks without penetration and once we did it, it was pretty difficult and then I was in some pain afterwards. My Husband and I usually have sex 2 to 3 times a week so that’s my dilating schedule, basically. But I still have my dilator set, even after 3 years, just in case! Congratulations on becoming cured!! That is huge!! Sex is a learning curve at first, but just give it some time and some experimenting and you’ll find ways that will include you in all the mind blowing fun!