Vaginismus and penis size

[lucyjay]

This is something I haven’t read about on the forum.

I became sexually active when I was a student. Not that I had a new boyfriend every week, but I did experiment a lot. I’m not ashamed to admit I slept with over 15 guys and I never had the slightest issue in bed.

When I was in between two relations, I had a one night stand with a guy I met in Spain. He was HOT and I was more than happy when he wanted to have sex with me. Long foreplay, plenty of kissing, I was more than prepared. Until the moment he entered me. I already noticed his penis was larger than average, but when he tried to enter me it hurt SO much I thought I was going to faint. It felt like he ripped open my vagina, there was blood on the sheets, and the next day I still felt a stinging, sharp pain inside.

That day changed everything. It seemed like my mind started associating my vagina with pain. I couldn’t insert a tampon anymore. I couldn’t insert a finger anymore. It hurt. Sex became impossible. I was diagnosed with vaginismus.

Bigger is definitely not always better, and what’s worse, it can even cause vaginismus (which is something I wasn’t aware of).

My current partner has a smaller penis but we haven’t been able to have sex yet. I’m still struggling.

[Jennifer Dembo, LCSW]

Hi lucyjay – thanks so much for posting.

How frustrating! Sounds like you were having all these great sexual experiences and then a painful one that had a strong impact on you physically and emotionally.

I hope you’re getting appropriate treatment and guidance RE: your vaginismus diagnosis. Additionally, I recommend that you learn more about the brain-vagina connection (what’s our strongest and most influential sex organ? The BRAIN!) so that you can re-engage with it on a positive level. This doesn’t happen overnight – it’s a process that takes practice. But with the right support – you’ll get there, in your own time. This is the concept of neuroplasticity.

If you don’t know where to start with either avenue of treatment, give us a call at Maze. We offer free 10-minute phone consults and can help you decide what might be next in regard to your healing process.

Be well and take care!

[Heather]

Hi Lucyjay!
I absolutely LOVE what Jennifer said about the BRAIN! Vaginismus and our brains go hand in hand. My body was cured before my brain was. For a long time after having been cured and fully able to have penetrative sex, it still hurt a bit and I couldn’t do that many positions. I definitely still had fears and anxiety that sex=pain. And when we’re scared, we tense up. And when we tense up our body goes into defensive mode. You experienced something painful and that’s scary. Understandably, you don’t want to go through that again and your body doesn’t either and that’s why your PC muscles are fighting any penetration at all.

I think since you’ve had a wonderful experience with great sex in the past before this, you should remind your body and yourself why it’s safe and why it feels good and why your body should allow penetration. Go slow and gentle with yourself, and use your finger to go in your vagina just up to the first knuckle and press firmly but gently on the vaginal wall and slowly move your finger clockwise. This is a great massage for the PC muscles and also a great mind-body bonding experience. During this time, remind yourself outloud(saying this outloud gives you more power) that you are safe, you aren’t going to do anything painful, and that it’s okay to surrender to pleasure without anxiety or fear.

This was my most beneficial way to help myself get my mind and body on the same page. But make sure you’re in a good head space, because any stress or anxiety will cause your PC muscles to tighten.

Another good bonding excersize you could do is masturbate. In whatever way you feel most comfortable, and maybe try and incorporate just a little penetration maybe will a small vibrator. This will remind your mind and body that sexual experiences bring pleasure. Take extra good care of yourself right now and don’t push your body to go too fast. You got this!