Vaginismus getting worse, likely birth control related.

[mandykins]

Note: I had a long post here I’m replacing.
I suspect birth control may be the culprit in my situation, and the best thing to eliminate.

I had no problems getting wet before starting birth control, but now I’m terribly dry no matter what and my libido is dead (even though I think about sex constantly its nearly impossible to get me turned on). I’m quitting my birth control after 2 or more years of being on it, as oral contraception appears to be one of the biggest links in women getting vaginismus (as well as trauma, which for me was from being so dry).

I’ll let you know how quitting birth control goes.

I’ve tried before and had horrible depression the entire 3 months. I got back on birth control after that time because I was gonna be active anyway, men had a preference for no condoms and some couldn’t feel anything with a condom on, and ultimately it made more sense than to have a battle with my emotions. Now I’m in a stable relationship, and I’ve asked my bf, and he’s completely supporting me in quitting birth control and switching to just using condoms again.

I’m worried about all the changes my body will go through or how long it might take for my period to come back and be regular after quitting. But hopefully by doing so, it will restore my emotional stability, I’ll be less fatigued, and my sex life will return to normal.

This is gonna be a miserable ride. lol

[Heather34]

Hi mandykins. I am so sorry for what you are currently experiencing. I had primary vaginismus all through my college years and it was so hard to go through this. Please know that I am here for you and you will definitely get through this. I have never been on birth control but have read on this Forum and have heard from others that it does affect libido. Please let us know how stopping using the birth control goes and, again, know that you have my support. It is so wonderful that you have a great boyfriend and he is an excellent source of support. I started dating my then boyfriend (now hubby) at 25 and we worked through vaginismus and these issues together. I also wanted to share a couple of great posts with you on vaginal dryness:

Dr. Pacik writes:
“The problem of dryness affects many women … I would urge you to use lubes as long as you have this problem otherwise you may experience tearing and pain after. You can do research on the various lubes, such as water based (Slippery Stuff, Yes, etc); silicone based lubes (such as Slippery stuff), oils such as Olive or Coconut oil and thicker products like Cocoa butter. The thicker the lube, the more friction a male experiences which is needed for climax. Some do well with thinner lubes, you just have to experiment. Vaginal moisturizers may not be enough but it could be worthwhile to try these such as Replens vaginal moisturizer.”

Kelseroo writes:
“I personally use coconut oil and love it! This article convinced me to try it: http://www.hybridrastamama.com/2013/02/coconut-oil-for-intimate-uses.html”

[mandykins]

This problem definitely didn’t exist before I got on birth control, so mine isn’t primary.
Either way, I definitely have hope.
It’s been an interesting week since quitting:
within 3 days, I spotted, really dark brown. The next day, I started an insanely heavy period, with a huge bloodclot to start. I felt insanely tired, and even had to wake up after 4 hours of sleep to eat something else. Guess I was losing too much. Today I’m almost done and its light. Today is day 3.
My libido started to return almost immediately. Downstairs didn’t agree, and was still super dry. We didn’t do anything, but I noticed I was still very sensitive to ANY excess acid in my urine, and unless clear it was uncomfortable.
My moods went from depressing, anxious and hopeless, to (after quitting) having tons of hope, and being oddly happy off and on. When I listened to music today it was actually almost overwhelming from my emotions. I’ve been very happy today, and before my bf went to bed, we cuddled. He was super out of it, but I was insanely happy and surprised to find out, he smelled delicious (pheromones) and kissing him got me a little excited.
MY LIBIDO IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We haven’t had sex since I quit birth control, as I wanted time to heal and my period started, but i’m not as scared of it now.
I also went out and bought Astroglide Gel. I was on another forum before I found out what was up with me, and they recommended this kind for really sensitive folks, as it doesn’t dry up super fast unlike the lubes I’ve been using, and its condom compatible. I really hope it works for me. I will be using condoms again since I am no longer protected, but with lube it shouldn’t be a terrible thing.
Speaking of having a wonderful bf. We’ve been together 9 months, and he’s so serious about us he bought a big Christmas gift for me, and he has plans for us on my birthday later this week. :))) With my emotions more stable and not feeling so trapped, I finally feel secure. I know he isn’t going anywhere. ^_^

[Heather34]

Hi Mandykins. I’m so, so glad that things are going good after stopping your birth control. And it is awesome that your libido is back. I’ve heard so many stories of BC affecting libido. I also think the Astroglide Gel sounds like a great idea. In a prior post, http://www.vaginismusmd.com/support/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=31.0, there are some positive thoughts and experiences with Astroglide as well. Your BF sounds super, super sweet and I am so happy for you. Definitely sounds very exciting for your bday coming up and Christmas! Happy Birthday in advance. Sending big hugs!!!

[mandykins]

Update: I have had sex successfully with minimal discomfort twice. It’s definitely easier than it used to be, but I always make sure to use astroglide just in case since the amount of wetness still isn’t as much as it was before (although its definitely improved). I haven’t been able to have sex like anyone would expect traditionally, it has to be deep penetration, very little pulling back out — because deep inside it doesn’t hurt, but toward the opening I’m oversensitive. If he pulls out too much it is definitely still a problem. But my bf is okay with this minimal pulling out kind of sex and so I think I’ll stick to it till I adjust more. It’s still sex, just less involved with the outside. lol
Either way. I’m managing. It’s not perfect but its better than before byfar.
My moods are mostly stable still, but I do have some random meltdowns sometimes. (two small ones) but I was a little unstable before birth control anyway (mostly in high school).
I’m definitely better off, dunno if it will take until another period or so for down there to be even better off, or if this is just what I’ve got to get used to.. but with my bf being so open minded I’ll be cool with it either way.

[mandykins]

I would recommend making yourself as comfortable as possible (even if it means being in the dark and keeping your shirt on), being in control (starting out on top), and going as slowly as possible, and using astroglide or something similar, trying not to pull out too much during and do deeper thrusts instead, and if possible, getting an orgasm through clitoral stimulation beforehand, since any arousal can only help. The first time having sex since quitting birth control I did get myself off first, and it helped tremendously.

[Heather34]

Hi Mandykins. I’m so glad things are going so good for you now. This is all excellent advice!!! I especially like what you said about doing deeper thrusting instead of pulling out too much. This could be so useful for the ladies who are newly transitioning to intercourse. How are things going with your BF? How was Christmas and your bday? Sending you big hugs today!!!

[Dr. Pacik]

Birth control is well known as a culprit reducing libido and causing emotional changes. There is considerable literature on this topic that is worth reading.
This could be a meaningful topic to discuss on the Forum.

[mandykins]

Unfortunately, I’ve backtracked. I wanted so badly to leave this here as a beacon of hope for others, but I have bad news.
As much as what I said can work, if you’re a pushover like me, and your bf suggests something you’re not ready to do, it can completely ruin your trust with your significant other even though you were a willing participant, and restart the downhill battle again.
When I was getting better those tips were effective. I do still stand by them.
But I need to point out, you should NEVER EVER EVER do something unless you know you’re 100% ready.
Now my bf is a negative association for me. I can touch myself and be fine, but if he sticks it near me, I dry up instantly. All over again.
I know this was a big mental thing now that I’ve quit birth control for 2 months to test it out. I convinced myself I’d be better off because I’d get some of my libido back, I’d be less dry, etc. Those did happen. I got a small bit of my libido back. I was less dry. But, my bf suggested sex without lube. I didn’t think it was a good idea, and went with it because I’m a huge pushover and do still feel guilty about how down there has been such a thorn in our relationship. BAD BAD BAD idea. Why? because I wasn’t comfortable with the idea, I wasn’t ready, I was slightly nervous, and therefore, my vagina said NOPE NOT HAPPENING. And now I’m in the same boat I was in before. I expected sex to hurt because it did when he suggested no lube, so it did. Last time, same story even with lube.
I stopped having sex with him again.
And he ended up suggesting a few days ago in the shower after I vented my frustrations that I felt inadequate, and frustrated that I’m back to square one. And I was slightly mad at him for suggesting no lube, even though I went with it, I couldn’t help it. I felt like he didn’t understand my situation truly if hes making suggestions I’m not comfortable with.. and it means he really doesn’t know its not a matter of proving yourself wrong, as much as hes trying to help, its a matter of if you think its a bad idea, DON’T DO IT! JUST STOP. So knowing even off birth control I ended up in the same place, I decided to get back on birth control because it hurts more to use condoms than to be kinda dry without them, like before.
So as of tonight it will be a week since I’ve gotten back on them. Especially since my libido has completely died again since the pain started happening, and the negative associations all over again. I have plans to see my dr, get an exam, test for IC if possible, and ask about other birth control options.
In the meantime, I’ve been moody as expected. But instead of just being hostile when starting my bc again, the first two days I was extremely depressed about my issue downstairs, and couldnt get myself out of bed both days. I was crying off and on both days. And severely dehydrated myself. I was drinking plenty, but crying more than I could replenish. So I ended up mildly dehydrated. I was a little irritated downstairs but not terribly. Even so, it definitely turned me off of the idea of sex. My bf decided after our talk about how frustrated I was and how I was kinda mad at him, that he would try something else to try to help me. we got in the shower, he went down on me. I did get wet, but i didnt get turned on really other than physically. I did get wet, I definitely didnt complain. but because I got wet he assumed i was good to go and stuck it in. he was wrong, but I was a pushover again, and let him try. after he stuck it in, I proclaimed, “YEAH NOPE” and he pulled back out and stopped. Now I was irritated in there again. He was under the impression he had to get me used to having a penis inside me, and if he did that I would get over this condition. Thats not how it works. Regardless, hes trying to help, and in the bedroom because he knew it got me wet to start with and i didnt have negative associations with oral, he went down on me again. I was less irritated downstairs because natural fluids on the inside are good for that. And he decided to tease me otherwise. doing things he normally doesnt that he knows I like, he just hasnt had the energy. It was awesome yes, but i panicked when his junk got near mine, and I didnt know if he was gonna stick it in or not, and it just didnt end very happily. He was teasing me and thought he was making progress, and instead ended up witnessing first hand what I was talking about.
He didn’t really understand before that night just how messed up this issue is, and just how worthless his efforts were, until he saw in mere seconds, me drying up and tensing up. Even if i havent been diagnosed, no one can tell me I dont have this condition. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
Anyway. YES what I said works, ONLY if you stick to it.
The second you have doubts. STOP.
If you cant see it ending well, you’re likely to spasm again, because your vagina knows, and your vagina will sabotage you.
Please don’t be me and be a pushover. If you’re not comfortable, dont ever do something. It will ruin all your progress.
As of yesterday, the day after he stuck it in in the shower, I’ve started to get uti symptoms all over again to top it all off. Mild, every other bathroom trip, but this is definitely happening again. I used a test strip, leukocytes are the darkest purple. I’m fighting something.
FML.
Please be smart fellow sufferers.

[mandykins]

Quote:

Quote from Heather34 on January 28, 2016, 09:40
Hi Mandykins. I’m so glad things are going so good for you now. This is all excellent advice!!! I especially like what you said about doing deeper thrusting instead of pulling out too much. This could be so useful for the ladies who are newly transitioning to intercourse. How are things going with your BF? How was Christmas and your bday? Sending you big hugs today!!!

They weerrreeee good for me. For one and a half sessions of sex. Then I ruined everything by being a pushover. Don’t be me. I went without lube when i wasnt ready. Oh well.
Still good suggestions, I’m just on a new level of screwed because I did stuff I wasn’t ready to do (trying without lube upon suggestion. bad).
Deeper is defintiely always better. since the opening in mild cases is the biggest problem, if there’s barely any friction it ends better. Before I messed up, I’d hold him inside me as much as possible so even if he was trying to thrust he wasnt accidentally pulling out too much. I’m not in terrible pain on the inside because I’ve never had that much of an issue deeper inside. outside, I’ve had A TON of issues. lol plus every time you pull out, you’re exposing the condom or dick to the outside world/air and potentially drying it out more.
Things with my bf are strained. Hes fine, hes supportive and trying to understand. But from my perspective, we’re in trouble. Until I can successfully move on with my life and have a happy sex life with him again, I’ll be upset, and he’ll continue to be a source of disappointment for me. It’s terrible, but associations are a bitch.
Christmas, I got two shirts that were too small for me because I’ve apparently lost muscle and gained fat. I wear a size bigger now. Christmas was okay, but the gifts depress me. Lol My birthday, was awkward as fuh-because im an introvert and not used to formal environments. He took me to a really fancy fondue? place. Where you dip stuff in cheese or chocolate. I was horribly uncomfortable because the waitress was talking too softly and i had nothing happy to talk about when she asked about how my birthday was going and im not the type to lie, so i told her I got kicked out and moved in with my bf in the same day. Tmi, as my bf said later, but Thats just how I am. And yes, my dad kicked me out, and within 2 hours my bf asked me to move in. Instead of it being romantic, I got myself shitfaced and hysterical because I thought it would be too much pressure on our relationship if he wasn’t ready for me to move in. That within 2 hours was when he got a break from work, instead of asking me to move in at dinner like he planned, he asked me over a text. And I was in so much disbelief I still couldnt calm down. Thats where the alcohol came in, and that was birthday present part two, hidden in the closet. I appreciated him so bad at that point, but I was definitely not cool with the situation because it was supposed to be a really romantic invitation at dinner, and my dad ruined it by getting HIMSELF shitfaced and messaging me both insulting and depressed things until he finally suggested me moving out. He panicked I spent too much time at my bf’s house, and his passive aggressive attempt to get me to come back home backfired.
Things are no different now that I live with my bf, other than I dont have to go home to my dad and awkwardly avoid talking to him when i get food from the kitchen ,and now I feel guilty that my anxiety has gotten so bad I havent been able to job search and contribute to rent. Hes so supportive however, hes practically an enabler, and hes letting me spend my days playing video games or watching netflix, instead of facing the stressors that make me hysterical. (driving terrifies me since totaling a car, and I had general anxiety to begin with. )
So yes… things WERE good. Now theyre complicated. He’s happy, but I’m not. And its nothing against him really. I just cant be happy when I feel like a prisoner to my own genitalia.. that and my own mental illness.

[mazemelissa]

Hi Mandykins,

Birth control pills are one of the leading causes of penetration pain that I see at our center. The birth control pills inhibit ovulation so you don’t get pregnant, but in the process also stop your natural production of estrogen and testosterone. Two hormones essential for good sexual functioning. They also increase a protein in your blood called SHBG that also inactivates your testosterone. I have found that stopping birth control pills is sometimes not enough to reverse the damage that it might have caused on the vaginal/vulvar tissue, and the libido. For many of my patients I need to formulate a topical estrogen/testosterone cream to use vaginally to help restore function, hydrate and lubricate the tissue again. A two month break from birth control pills may not be enough time for your SHBG level to get back to normal post birth control levels, and that will also factor in to your arousal/response/lubrication. I also always add in dilation with topical lubricants and creams to ensure the vagina is ready for intercourse. You can always call our center for a free 10 minute consultation if you have more questions. You can also follow up with your gynecologist to ask about a topical hormonal cream for the vagina to increase lubrication and treat the dryness from the birth control pills.

Hope this helps,

Melissa Ferrara
Maze Women’s Health
914-328-3700
http://www.mazewomenshealth.com

[mandykins]

Quote:

Quote from mazemelissa on February 2, 2016, 18:23
Hi Mandykins,

Birth control pills are one of the leading causes of penetration pain that I see at our center. The birth control pills inhibit ovulation so you don’t get pregnant, but in the process also stop your natural production of estrogen and testosterone. Two hormones essential for good sexual functioning. They also increase a protein in your blood called SHBG that also inactivates your testosterone. I have found that stopping birth control pills is sometimes not enough to reverse the damage that it might have caused on the vaginal/vulvar tissue, and the libido. For many of my patients I need to formulate a topical estrogen/testosterone cream to use vaginally to help restore function, hydrate and lubricate the tissue again. A two month break from birth control pills may not be enough time for your SHBG level to get back to normal post birth control levels, and that will also factor in to your arousal/response/lubrication. I also always add in dilation with topical lubricants and creams to ensure the vagina is ready for intercourse. You can always call our center for a free 10 minute consultation if you have more questions. You can also follow up with your gynecologist to ask about a topical hormonal cream for the vagina to increase lubrication and treat the dryness from the birth control pills.

Hope this helps,

Melissa Ferrara
Maze Women’s Health
914-328-3700
http://www.mazewomenshealth.com

Because condoms hurt so much for me I pretty much have to use birth control.
I’ve read on some comments/posts that estrogen cream can stop working, and then you can have even more trouble getting stimulated. Can you offer any insight to that?

[Heather34]

Hi Mandykins. I am so, so sorry for what you are currently experiencing. Please know that I’m here to support you. I do not know about Estrogen cream so found it interesting and did some research. I came across this post from the Dr. Oz show:

http://www.doctoroz.com/blog/lauren-streicher-md/sandpaper-sex-despite-lubricant

Dr. Lauren Streicher wrote:

“Currently, there are three types of prescription vaginal estrogen products. Estrogen cream (Estrace and Premarin) has the advantage of giving both internal and external help, but tends to be on the messy side. The reusable applicator, while environmentally friendly, has to be washed, put away and reused. Vagifem is a pre-loaded estradiol tablet that avoids the messy factor, but has the disadvantage of only treating the vaginal walls. The final vaginal estrogen product is Estring, a silastic vaginal ring that you insert in the vagina and replace every 3 months. For many women, the best way to go is with a combination approach. Use the ring or the tablet to get rid of the sandpaper-sex feeling, and apply cream on the outside a couple of times a week. All vaginal estrogen products restore vaginal blood flow, decrease vaginal pH (making you less susceptible to infections), and improve the thickness, elasticity and lubrication of your tissue. If lubricant isn’t doing it for you, don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor about vaginal estrogen…”

Sending you my support today. :):):)

[mazemelissa]

I have not experienced “estrogen cream stop working”. So, that would not be a concern of mine when prescribing it in the appropriate situations. I do think it could potentially help your vulvar pain if you continue on the oral contraceptives.

I think IUDs are wonderful birth control options for patients who have adverse reactions to oral birth control pills and also have sensitivity to condoms.