Vaginismus in not all about Sex

[Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSW]

I have recently been working with several women who had vaginismus, but with tremendous courage and perseverance they worked hard to get the largest size dilator in with no pain. As anyone who has dilated knows, that is no easy task. But having sex was not the main goal for either of these women. They wanted to be able to not live in fear of GYN exams, and think something was “wrong” with them. One is a competitive triathlete who wanted to be able to wear tampons, and that has made a huge difference in her quality of life. Reasons for addressing and curing vaginismus are varied, and please know it does not have to be just about sex.

[Jay2014]

This makes me feel so much better as I am also doing this for myself .. to feel normal and not necessarily because I Ana to have sex now

[recessivegenequeen]

Jay2014, I totally agree with this! It was a big part of why I ended up getting my botox procedure in the end. It had less to do with having sex with the person I was with than it did just having the option of having sex and the future (as well as all that comes with it, including childbirth). Even today, though I love sex now, the best thing I got out of my treatment was a feeling of normalcy and of future possiblity.

[Ettina]

I’m so glad you’re pointing this out! I’m asexual, so the idea of having sex holds no appeal to me. Vaginismus or no, I don’t have any interest in ever losing my virginity. If I ever find a romantic partner, it’ll be someone who is completely fine with never having sex with me, but honestly I’m happy without a romantic partner, either. (Some asexuals feel romantic desire, I personally don’t.)

But I do want to get pregnant. And when I was getting IUI treatments before the pandemic, I found the IUI applicator was way too big and intensely painful inside me. My goal in treating vaginismus is that I can have IUI treatments, and ultrasounds as needed, without being in intense pain throughout the procedure.

[recessivegenequeen]

Ettina, you make a good point – for some people, the ability to have intercourse is motivated by the desire to have a child rather than to connect intimately with a partner. We all have different reasons and keeping our priorities in mind is part of finding success with treatment and dilation. Good luck on your pregnancy journey and I hope you have good luck with your treatment!