Where do I begin?!

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    Writing in this forum is probably going to be one of the most courageous things I have ever done. I am 23yrs old and no one knows of this secret, only males that I have attempted to become intimate with. I am not completely sure if I have vaginismus, but I am certainly aware of the pain I experience during sex. I realized this issue when I was 16 years old and attempted to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend. When I was presented with pain instead of pleasure, he reassured me that every girl’s first time was not supposed to feel good. Yet each time we tried, the pain never left. I was brought up in a very religious household (my dad was an ordained minister) and I started to feel that this was in some type of way, a punishment, for having intercourse before I was married. Carrying that burden, I attempted to try another relationship with a very understanding guy for 4 yrs. I feel that because of this small burden, our relationship could not last and that was partly my fault. He could not understand the velocity of my issue, and I had no idea how to fix it. I just felt as though he deserved somebody who would be able to consummate the relationship. The funny thing is, I was always able to insert tampons and I never had issues when going in for a pap smear (although both experiences were never painful, they were always uncomfortable), but whenever it came to penetration or sex, it was just so painful. I gathered up the courage to tell my obgyn of the pain last year and she recommended me to a therapist. I did one counseling session, which resulted in tears and a feeling of a guilt that I had no control over. I could not afford to keep seeing the therapist, so I had to stop. I tried being intimate with another guy and he was able to fully penetrate with no pain at all! However, it was very uncomfortable and I felt no pleasure whatsoever. So now I am at the most difficult time of my life. I am sad and alone and practically afraid to date because of this condition. Every day I am doing research trying to figure out whats going on with my body and why God chose me to endure this. The psychological toll its taking on me is unbearable and at this point I just need to know…where do I go from here? I’m just beyond drained and I’m ready to live my life without being in fear.

    Dr. Pacik

    You seem to have more ability to have penetration than my average patient. I would suggest calling my office to order the DVD on dilation. 603 669 0290. It is my thought that you may not need any more treatment than following the guidelines of the DVD and either using the silicone or glass dilators.


    Thank you so much for the response!! I will do that this afternoon.


    Hi MsDes. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus. I, too, had primary vaginismus for all of my 20s and into my early 30s up until 2011. Please know that you have found an excellent place of support and you are not alone with this problem at all. Currently, there are over 785 Forum members who have all either had, currently have, or in some way are affected by vaginismus. Together, we can all learn from each other and be an excellent community of support. For all of the years that I had vaginismus, I told none of my closest girlfriends and it was very, very isolating. I currently don’t want a single person to feel like I did back then and, again, want you to know that you have my support and understanding 100%!

    As for tips on treatment, while Dr. Pacik has now retired, he posted the following on 9/6/15:
    “I would like the members of the Forum to know that my retirement date was 9/1/2015. I have trained two different groups in NY who are using my technique of Botox, progressive dilation and counseling. I would be happy to make referrals for those interested.”

    Thus, I would contact him for a referral and I cannot say enough amazing things about him in one post. He is the kindest and most caring doctor that you will ever meet and he actually gets and understands what each of us has gone through having vaginismus.

    I secondly wanted to share information with you on working with vaginal dilators as Dr. P mentioned. During my 20s, I tried to use the dilators from vag.com along with the workbook and could never make it past the step of being able to insert a q-tip or the smallest sized tampon which did not work d/t burning pain. Post-procedure, I was able to insert dilators for the first time ever and then my husband and also have exams, all things that I never ever ever thought would be possible. I’ve used both the Pure Romance dilator set as well as the Pacik Glass ones and like them both. The Pure Romance ones are great because they’re a softer silicone material and have handles which makes them easier to insert and remove. They also have many, many different sizes. I also really like the Pacik Glass ones because they, too, have the handles and they are shorter in length so you don’t feel them as much and can do other things with them in. I want to share the link for the second issue of the VaginismusMD Newsletter that discusses all-things dilating. Specific topics include: Styles and Materials of Dilators, Getting Started with Dilation (includes information on ordering dilator set), Anxiety Control, Advanced Dilation Techniques, and Transitioning to Intercourse. http://www.vaginismusmd.com/support/vaginismus-newsletter-archive/ins-outs-vaginal-dilation/#sthash.kAelUpP1.dpuf I also used a combination of Lidocaine/Surgilube as a lubricant on the dilators. I liberally used this and it made beginning insertion much more doable.

    Ok, I hope all of this helps and again want you to know that I am sincerely here for you along your journey of overcoming vaginismus. Sending you support.

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