WON’T GO IN, HURTS SO BAD.

[Alexis]

Hi, I’m 23 years old and never had sex before. I’ve had relationships in the past, and in one now with my boyfriend for over a year now, and still haven’t had sex. I WANT to have sex with him and he wants to have sex with me obviously.. and we try but every time it just hurts SO BAD. Like the tip barely gets in.. feels like it’s being blocked like it has to be pushed through something. It will have me screaming and in tears which gets us nowhere. I get embarrassed and just wanna stop trying. I don’t think he 100% understands and thinks it’s just because it’s my first time. But I have no girlfriends to talk about this stuff with so it’s kinda hard. Even before all my friends knew I was a virgin, but wouldn’t tell them I’d try and stuff and it just doesn’t happen because I feel embarrassed. Never really brought it up to my doctor or gyno either. But I have gotten my first Pap smear exam last year and the speculum went in with no problem. A lot of lube tho and felt like it wasn’t as big as a penis. I mentioned it when I was there, because I was scared that it wouldn’t go in because I was a virgin so I’d be “too tight” but she asked me if I’ve ever got fingered or put toys up there.. which I have and they go up but sometimes can be uncomfortable. But then again feel like speculums, fingers, & toys aren’t nearly as big as a real penis lol. Sorry I just really wanna know why I can’t have sex. Why it’s so uncomfortable that it almost has me in tears. Why won’t it just push through? What can I do? Is it because it’s my first time or is it because it’s “vaginismus”? Me & my bf just want to have intercourse already without there being any pain and easily go in! And I really want kids some time in the future but feel like I won’t even be able to give birth bc I’ll be too tight or it will KILL me (literally & physically lol) like if a penis isn’t even going in, no way I’m pushing out a baby!!!! Please help!!!

[Persevere]

Hi Alexis, I hope you are doing well. What you said resonates with me because this was how I felt when I first tried to have sexual intercourse. We had failed attempts at it and it hurt so bad and I used to think whether it was hurting so much because it was my first time or what. During intercourse, my husband felt as if he was hitting a wall and I felt excruciating pain and no matter what we did, it won’t go in. After months of self-study on the internet, I found out that I had vaginismus. Your first time may or may not hurt but even if it does hurt, it should not be to the point that you are unable to have intercourse. Moreover, as you pointed out that you could insert toys, speculums etc., similarly I could insert fingers but a penis won’t go on’t go in. However, the good news is that vaginismus is curable and you can find plenty of posts in this group that can help you get through it. If you need any guidance or help, we are here for you. Good luck!

[recessivegenequeen]

Alexis – Persevere is totally right and it sounds like your issue is more one of size rather than being unable to tolerate any kind of penetration at all. That’s good news as it indicates there are things you can do to ready your body for intercourse. Dilation is how many women with penetration issues deal with vaginismus, so if this problem proves persistent, you might order a set of dilators to start working with. Dilating is basically just inserting a series of slightly larger and larger objects into your vagina at regular intervals to get your muscles used to the feeling of being penetrated. If you’re already able to insert fingers, toys, etc. without much pain you’d be a good candidate for dilators. The Pure Romance dilator set is a great one that a lot of people have success with, including me. Just google “Pure Romance dilators” to find it.

You can also just keep experimenting sexually to see if you relax and get more comfortable over time, or try a combination of approaches. Some people find it challenging in intercourse to have something inserted into them without them manipulating the object, so you might try having your partner insert a smaller toy or his finger to see how that feels and help yourself further narrow down what’s difficult about it.

Hope this helps – there are many possible approaches for you to take, this is likely just a short chapter in your overall sexual life!

[lost_and_confused]

@Persevere congrats on your success – I read through forum posts – we are facing the same problems in the same city – ISB – been 6 months – kind of desperately need that doctor’s info. Can you please help?

[Persevere]

@lost_and_confused I am sorry for replying so late. You can contact the Shifa International Hospital’s gynecology department. They have physiotherapists over there who can help you with it. The doctor who told me about it is not working at Shifa anymore. I have sent her a message asking about her new hospital. I’ll tell you about it once I get to know.

I would advise do not worry about it and try to find treatment. You can try dilating by yourself or get the help of a doctor as well. I know that this condition is really tough to deal with both physically and mentally but InshaAllah you’ll be able to get through it. 🙂

Stay strong and connected with this forum. If you have any confusion, please reach out. If you need any other help, please email me at Strongwomen1702@gmail.com.